


All of this Love is Toxic

by notiwaoi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, mutual? let's see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24161227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notiwaoi/pseuds/notiwaoi
Summary: He knows pretending to be Oikawa’s boyfriend would mean more trouble than he can handle. It will surely spread like wildfire at school but right now, the only thing he wants is to get rid of that scared look at Oikawa’s face. He would do anything, he would live in a false reality for a moment, he would let himself hope then get hurt. He would do anything for Oikawa.He really has it bad.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 24
Kudos: 228





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first work in the fandom!
> 
> I am not sure how many chapters this will be but it should be less than ten. Updates every Wednesday and Sunday, around 7PM KST.
> 
> The title is from a song by Kehlani called "Toxic"

Iwaizumi Hajime, second year Physiotherapy student, wing spiker in a powerhouse team, loves Adegashi tofu and also impossibly in love with Oikawa Tooru. Yes, he can now admit to himself that he’s in love with his best friend. He has been for the last two years, probably longer.

The initial realization came after that time Oikawa said his thanks to their high school team for the past three years. It hit him then that his feeling for his friend might not be as platonic as he thought it was. They have been friends since they were kids, they started playing volleyball together, stared at the night skies multiple times together, came to the same schools together, they do everything together. Oikawa is in every childhood memory Iwaizumi can remember. He was in every ups and downs in Iwaizumi’s life. He never left even during that time in middle school when Iwaizumi pushed every friends he has away. Nobody stayed, nobody except Oikawa. And he appreciated it so much but he never voiced it out. He tries to show it by being with him no matter what, though. He stayed just like how Oikawa did. So when he cried together with the third years that night, it was more because of the overwhelming feelings that came with the realization than Oikawa’s words.

Despite the realization, he never acted on it. He doesn’t want to lose the friendship, yes. But it was more because he was never sure himself. All his life, he liked girls. That made the initial realization that he liked his best friend, a guy (read: beautiful guy), a huge blow on him. He felt different, _good different._ It was like something he had always known but never realized until that moment. He felt liberated. It was a good feeling but also too much. So he decided to deal with his realizations one at a time.

For the past two years, that was his reason. When he told Makki about it this time, the man just snorts at him. “You clearly dealt with your sexuality ages ago so I don’t know why you tell me the same reason every time I ask.”

So that’s how Iwaizumi ends up lying awake in his bed at 2AM. Makki, one of the two people he confided that he’s in love with Oikawa, thinks the reason is way past its validity so he should come up with a new reason not to act on his feelings.

 _“We should focus on school and volleyball first.”_ Yeah, that’s it.

 _Coward._ His brain supplies.

He agrees.

-

He was woken up by his phone’s non-stop ringing. He knows only one person who has complete disregard of other people’s schedule. He squints at the little sunshine that slipped through his curtain before answering. He didn’t bother to check the caller ID.

“Shittykawa, do you know wha-,“

“Hello?“ a woman’s voice cuts his ongoing rant. He looks at the caller ID this time but it says it’s Oikawa so what’s happening?

“Yes?” he answered.

“I am calling from the Tokyo University hospital. May I confirm if this is Iwaizumi Hajime?”

“ Yeah... I mean, yes, this is Iwaizumi Hajime,” he says, voice shaking from sleep and nervousness.

“Can you come over the hospital now? It’s about your boyfriend,” the female said.

“Boyfriend?” he feels stupid after realizing that he hasn’t answered the question. The only thing he caught was the boyfriend part.

“Yes, Oikawa Tooru. His knee which was injured in the past started to hurt last evening so he came in. We need someone to pick him up.”

He feels the world slowed. The woman on the phone is still talking, but he doesn’t comprehend what she’s saying anymore. He even forgot that she called him Oikawa’s boyfriend. Nothing else matters for now. Tooru is in the hospital because of his knee again. He can feel tears starting to form in his eyes but he holds them in. He needs to be in the hospital as fast as he can. He was rushing to the door when the woman calls his attention again.

“Hello? Iwaizumi-kun? Are you still there?”

“Yes, sorry. I am on my way,” he says in one breath.

“Have you heard what I said?”

“Uhm... no, sorry, I was focused on going there as fast as I could,” he said feeling a slight blush creeping on his cheeks.

“I understand. But as I said, we need you to bring some clothes for Oikawa-kun to change to,” she said.

“Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you,” he said before hanging up.

He took a deep breath. He needs to calm down. She said they need him to pick him up so that means he’s for discharge, it must not be that serious. Shaking his head, he heads to the bathroom to wash his face and change into a more decent set of clothes. He can’t believe he was just about to rush to the hospital in his pajamas. He has it bad.

-

When he approached the nurse station to ask where Oikawa’s room is, he was met with knowing smiles. It’s like they know something Iwaizumi doesn’t. It was getting awkward when one of them hands him a form, she said he needs to fill it out first.

He was focused on writing down Oikawa’s information when one of the women talks.

“So you are the mysterious boyfriend ha,”

“What?” he stopped writing to look at the girl.

“Oikawa-kun is famous in the university and everyone was wondering why he’s not dating despite a number of admirers. I guess we have the answer now,” says the girl. Iwaizumi glances at her name plate. Yui, an intern. That would explain how she knows that Oikawa is famous.

The smile she shows Iwaizumi is starting to irritate him, he knows she’s expecting an answer but what should he say? He forgot about that bit on the phone call earlier and now this intern brought it up again.

“Yeah,” he prays the intern would stop looking at him like he’s some museum art on display. He would be angry at Oikawa for telling them that but he is not even sure if Oikawa said it. Maybe they just assumed that he is a boyfriend because he’s the speed dial in Oikawa’s phone. If that’s the case and he brings it up to Oikawa, things might go out of hand and he might end up spilling his feelings he so dearly kept hidden from him for years. 

When he finished the form, he was given a room number. He head there with a purpose. Oikawa’s injured knee sometimes hurt but a little cold compress would usually solve the problem. This is the first time since their third year high school that he went to a hospital for it. How bad was it? Why didn’t he tell him? Did he overwork himself again? College season is near, he must be practicing too hard.

When he reached the said room, he didn’t bother to knock.

Oikawa is in the bed, looking as ethereal as ever. Iwaizumi felt his heart beat faster at the sight. Tooru is always beautiful, it’s almost ridiculous. A nurse is talking to him, he assumes she’s also the one who called him earlier.

“Hi,” he said tentatively.

“You must be the boyfriend!” the nurse said brightly.

Iwaizumi went red, if that is possible. He stole a glance at Oikawa which is the wrong decision because he’s smiling, an amused one. Why would he be happy when someone clearly mistook him, his bestfriend, as his boyfriend? How dare him find this funny? Is it so funny to see him as a boyfriend?

Iwaizumi knows he’s being unreasonable but seeing Oikawa possibly finding this misunderstanding funny hurts him. Before he can say a word though, Oikawa answered for him.

“Nurse Mei, this is Iwa-chan,”

“Nice to meet you, Iwaizumi-kun. I was the one who called earlier,” she said offering her hand for a handshake. Iwaizumi took it and nod.

“I will leave you both for a while. I should inform the doctor that you’re here so he can discuss some things about his knee,”

Iwaizumi lost his ability to speak, afraid that his voice will betray the poker face he’s currently making, so he just nods.

The moment she closed the door, he looked at Oikawa, unable to control the anger showing in his face anymore. Are his feelings really that funny for him? Oikawa doesn’t know, yes, but he still can’t keep his anger anymore.

“What was that?” he said, trying not to shout.

“Ah, they need to talk to us about my knee. They needed a family member but I don’t want my mom or dad or my sister to come running here so..”

“So you just thought _‘Oh my bestfriend is going to be fine pretending to be my boyfriend. Let’s tell everyone he is without actually telling him beforehand!_ ” Iwaizumi said, voice getting louder by each word.

“Iwa-chan that’s..”

“If you’re not in a hospital bed right now, I would punch you in the face,” Iwaizumi said in a flat tone. He’s already tired considering he just woke up an hour ago.

“Mean. That’s not something you should say to an injured boyfriend,” Oikawa said while sporting a very convincing sad face.

“Good thing you’re not my boyfriend then,” Iwaizumi snapped.

A brief silence followed his statement. Oikawa opened his mouth like he has something to say but thought better of it and closed it.

Iwaizumi was about to apologize when Oikawa said in a hushed voice, “I want to be out of here. If I call anyone back home, it would take another half day. Please, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi saw the worry in his eyes. He knows Oikawa hates hospitals, the fear it gives him, the possibility that he has to give up something he love so much. Iwaizumi hates seeing Oikawa scared.

“Okay,” he agreed against his better judgement.

He knows pretending to be Oikawa’s boyfriend would mean more trouble than he can handle. It will surely spread like wildfire at school but right now, the only thing he wants is to get rid of that scared look at Oikawa’s face. He would do anything, he would live in a false reality for a moment, he would let himself hope then get hurt. He would do anything for Oikawa.

_He really has it bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter! I am quite excited for this but also nervous because I feel like words failed me for this chapter. I promise I'll do better.
> 
> Comments/suggestions are greatly appreciated too!
> 
> I hope you are having a good day!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just want to thank everyone who read and left Kudos when the first chapter came out. And if you are reading this second chapter, thank you for continuing!!

Again, he was woken up by his phone ringing. How do people function on a Sunday morning? That will always be beyond him. Sure, he’s an early riser but only during weekdays. Weekends are supposed to be days of sleeping in until noon.

He grabbed his phone and was about to answer when the ringing stop. _Great_. He let out a groan knowing that he can’t possibly go back to sleep now that he’s already awake. He unlocked his phone to check the time and gaped at the number of notifications he sees. There are 3 missed calls, 58 text messages and a lot of social media notifications. And it’s just 7:30.

He barely gets social media notifications when he doesn’t post anything. He can’t remember posting anything last night so why the abundance of them?

He first looked at the missed calls. One from Matsukawa and two from Hanamaki. Those two rarely call him, they see each other around the campus, let alone before 8AM _on a Sunday_. He decides to call Matsukawa first because he’s pretty sure Hanamaki will scream at him before telling him what he’s supposed to.

Before he can press the call button, something on the floor moved.

“Iwa-chan, it’s too early to look angry,” that something said.

It took a few seconds before everything made sense and again, Iwaizumi blamed it on the fact that it’s just _7:30AM on a Sunday._

The something on the floor is Oikawa. He stayed the nigh. No, the entire day. And though Iwaizumi took some convincing, they both know it’s just the way they always were. Oikawa would always whine and Iwaizumi would act as if Oikawa is a big nuisance. It’s childish but familiar.

Hajime threw a pillow and it landed exactly where he wants to be, on Tooru’s face. He made a pouty sound that should earn him another pillow but Iwaizumi enjoyed the sound a little too much, he forgot what he _should’ve_ done.

“Good morning, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said while detaching himself from the mess of futon, pillows and blankets on the floor. He then looks up to Iwaizumi, eyes still unfocused from sleep. Iwaizumi knows he’s staring but he can’t help himself. Who wouldn’t want to look at someone as beautiful as Oikawa early in the morning?

“Shouldn’t you help me like a good boyfriend you are? The doctor said-” another pillow was thrown but this time, Oikawa giggled. Iwaizumi’s heart beats a little too fast, too loud in his ears. He swears it’s trying to get out of his chest so it’s a miracle that Oikawa can’t hear it.

He’s watching Oikawa fold the blanket when the brunette asks, “So who’s calling?”

 _Right._ The calls and notifications. He forgot about them the moment he remembered Oikawa was on the floor because that’s what he does. He makes Hajime forget a lot of things. Sometimes, even himself.

“Hanamaki and Matsukawa. And there are tons of notifications too. I don’t know, let me check with those two first,” he said grabbing his phone where he dropped it somewhere in his bed.

He dialled Issei and his friend picked up on the second ring.

“Hey-“

“Since when?” interrupted Matsukawa.

“What?”

“Don’t act dumb! We saw it!!” someone shouted at the back. It’s definitely Hanamaki.

Oikawa is watching him and he knows he also wants to know why two of their friends are calling so early in the morning. Iwaizumi just shrugged, he gets nothing from the conversation so far.

“Hanamaki, stop shouting. It’s barely eight!” Matsukawa half whispered, half shouted. Iwaizumi can imagine the look on his face and smiled unconsciously.

“Iwa? Still there?”

“Yeah. Now, tell me what’s so important that you woke me up at seven fucking thirty on a Sunday morning,” Iwaizumi said though there’s no bite in his words. He just wants to know what’s up and know it fast.

“You haven’t checked anything online?”

“No.. I went to the hospital early yesterday to pick our dumbass friend,” yet, another pillow is thrown. Iwaizumi caught it before it connects to his face.

“Then we went to his dorm afterwards to get some of his books because he insisted on staying with me like a leech that he is,” he expects another pillow but this time, it’s a hair brush. Iwaizumi can’t help but laugh a little. Why is he in love with this child again?

The happy sound doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Is he with you now?”

“Yeah.. now, the reason please,”

“You traitor didn’t tell us you’re already together!” Hanamaki shouted again.

“WHAT?”

“Yeah, man. It’s all over our feed. Someone from that one confession page posted that Oikawa Tooru is finally taken and that it’s by someone slightly smaller than him, with spiked up hair and probably a permanent frown,”

He frowned at the description but it’s no denying that it’s him. That would explain the tons of notifications he has. Oikawa’s fans may have piece together the description, found his accounts and are now cursing at him for stealing dear sweet Oikawa-san from them. It took three seconds before it finally sinks in. _People think he is Tooru’s boyfriend._

“Wait, no. I mean yes, but no,” he said after seconds of silence, suddenly hyper aware that Oikawa is still staring at him.

“Young man, use your words properly,” Matsukawa said, clearly trying to sound exasperated.

“Can we.. like not do this over the phone? It’s too early for me,” he answered putting his other hand on his face. His head suddenly feels heavy.

“So it’s true then. I thought it was just another misunderstanding like the others in the past but you didn’t strongly deny it,”

“I didn’t completely agree either,”

“Yeah.. Okay, this really sounds like something too early to talk about,”

“Yeah, it is.”

-

After hanging up, he immediately opened his Instagram, ignoring Oikawa’s questions about the phone call that woke both of up. There are a lot of new followers, a few comments, _from complete strangers_ , mostly saying congratulations and how cool he looks and a lot of likes even on the photos he posted ages back.

_Damn._

He let out a breath he’s not aware he was holding and almost jumped when a voice spoke way too near on his ears.

“Iwa-chan, it seems like being my boyfriend made you famous,” Oikawa said wearing a smug smile. _He’s beautiful_ , Iwaizumi‘s brain supplied.

“Shut up, I’m not your boyfriend,” he said before heading to the bathroom.

“But you are according to everyone~” Oikawa said in a voice too bright for a morning.

Hajime didn’t fail to notice something in his voice. He sounds happy, like _really_ happy. He decided to ignore it, the same way he’ll ignore the messages he got which are all from their high school friends, the notifications that keep on coming and the tiny flicker of hope he’s currently having. Ignoring it is probably for the best.

He closed the door and leaned on it. He should not read more into it because Oikawa just finds teasing him a leisure activity. He’s not really happy that Iwaizumi is his boyfriend, a fake one on that. He sighed and started taking off his clothes, trying so hard not to think of Oikawa, _beautiful Oikawa_ , outside.

His shower lasted longer than his usual ones. Most spent trying to calm himself.

_He’s Oikawa’s boyfriend._

-

He is now accompanying his best friend home after their dinner at Oikawa’s favourite Ramen shop. Oikawa’s dorm is just 1 train station away from Iwaizumi, just right outside his university. Hajime stays at his parent’s owned apartment which is conveniently close to his university. He’s grateful that they are close enough so he can go running to Oikawa when the other needs him and Oikawa can barge in on his apartment anytime he feels like it.

Oikawa’s roommate, Sugawara Koushi _(yes, Refreshing-kun from Karasuno)_ , was home when they reached their shared room, eating take out.

“Oh hello Iwaizumi!” he waved when he saw him by the door.

“Hello, Suga. I was actually hoping to talk to you. Can you make sure Oikawa doesn’t do anything stupid?” he said as a way of greeting the other guy.

“Iwa-chan!” came a protest accompanied with a firm slap on his arms. Iwaizumi smiled fondly.

“Stop flirting in front of me,” Sugawara deadpanned.

“Aww, is Suga-chan jealous because I have a super attractive boyfriend?” Oikawa cooed, grabbing Iwaizumi’s arm in the process.

Sugawara and Iwaizumi rolled their eyes.

“For real, I’m happy for the both of you though I’m a bit mad that I heard about this from Oikawa’s fans. I demand a better treatment for a friend!” Sugawara said, suddenly serious.

“We’re not-“ Iwaizumi started but got quickly cut off by his phone alarm. It’s 8PM.

“It’s time for your meds,” he said facing Oikawa, the denial completely forgotten.

“Okay! You should go back now though, you have early classes tomorrow,” replied Oikawa.

Iwaizumi nodded but lingered by the door.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa called. “Is there a problem?”

He knows he’ll sound clingy and probably annoying. “Let’s have dinner tomorrow after practice,” he blurted out before he can think better of the idea.

It’s stupid and said in a rush. They go out on Fridays or during weekends but Iwaizumi wants to check on Oikawa as often as possible so he could ease and forget the dread he felt last Saturday when the hospital called. Oikawa has the tendency to tell him fabricated truths about his knee so the best he could do right now is to make sure he doesn’t strain his knee more than it already has. College volleyball season is near, he can’t have Oikawa miss that and listen to him complain or worse, cry.

“Oh a date!”

“Stop saying non-sense,” Iwaizumi said as he began walking towards the stairs, feeling a blush starting to color is face.

“See you tomorrow, Iwa-chan! Also text me once you’re home!” Oikawa called, waving enthusiastically at Iwaizumi’s retreating figure.

He badly wants it to be a date. But he knows Oikawa was just teasing him. He’s not really his boyfriend, it’s just something he came up with to be discharged earlier, something for his convenience.

He knows it but he can’t stop imagining that it is something real, something Oikawa really wants.

-

He felt the weight of the lie when he stepped into his first class that day. Hanamaki is already on their usual spot near the back of the classroom, looking at him the moment he saw him until he sat down beside him.

“So,” Hanamaki started.

“Later,” Iwaizumi immediately cut him off. If he starts for Hanamaki now, he would be forced to repeat everything later for Matsukawa. He’d rather re-tell everything and receive the lectures from them just once.

-

Later turns out to be earlier than Iwaizumi thought because Matsukawa’s class got conveniently cancelled so he now joins the other two in the cafeteria for lunch. The moment they sat down, Hanamaki demanded for the whole story.

So he told them. How he was woken up last Saturday, how he almost rushed to the hospital in his pajamas, how the nurses and interns looked at him the moment he asked for Oikawa, how he ended up being his “boyfriend”. He left out how he felt when he saw Oikawa in the hospital bed, what hearing him plead did to his resolve. He feels the two already know anyway.

“Let me get this straight,” Matsukawa said the moment Iwaizumi signals he’s done telling the story. He told them everything up until the part where he told Oikawa to have dinner with him.

“You just pretended to be his boyfriend so he can be discharged but neither of you have told anyone, even Oikawa’s roommate, that it’s not true. Then you invited him to dinner which he called a date,” Matsukawa summarized.

“Uh..”

“Don’t bother making lame excuses, Hajime. Seriously, why?” Hanamaki quickly follows up before Iwaizumi even had a chance to reword the summary Matsukawa provided.

He sighed.

“You know why. I love him. I hate seeing him sad and as long as we both know it’s not true, I guess it’s fine,” he answered simply. Sometimes, it still amazes him how easy it is for him to admit he loves Oikawa in front of these two.

Hanamaki shakes his head.

“And also because you like the idea,” Matsukawa said.

No. He doesn’t like the idea, he loves it. It’s dumb but it is the only thing he has.

His silence is all the two need to confirm.

“Iwaizumi, I am saying this as a friend, a really concerned friend. This is ridiculous. I know you want this and all but it means nothing if you don’t tell Oikawa what you really feel. You can be his boyfriend in everyone’s eyes but it really means nothing. At the end of the day, you are still loving him in the dark. And I think you deserve better than that,” said Hanamaki.

Matsukawa nods then adds, “We know you really love him but it’s time to give yourself some of it too. We know that you two are aware that this whole boyfriend thing is not true but as long as people around you believes it, they’ll keep shoving it down your throats. Then you’ll start to live in the idea and it’s not good. It’ll leave you empty.”

Iwaizumi knows what they mean but he can’t just go and tell Oikawa ‘Hey, I’m in love with you.’

He has been hiding it for two years. If it was that easy, he would’ve done it years ago.

He knows they want what’s best for him but he can’t tell them ‘okay” because he’s not even sure what’s okay and not anymore. He can’t tell them that he’ll do something about it because he has no idea what to do. So he just stayed silent. Hanamaki and Matsukawa know better than to press, it’s too big of a deal to be easy so they settled at the thoughtful look they see.

He has no idea what to do or what to say.

He just knows he’s a coward, had been for the past two years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for reading the chapter! 
> 
> Next chapter, we'll have the dinner and more pining, among other things!
> 
> Comments/suggestions/expectations/kudos are appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter is longer than the first two but I hope you still enjoy it!

_See u later, Iwa-chan!_ (◕‿◕✿)

Hajime smiled while reading the message. A text is not from Tooru if there’s no kaomoji. They’re cute but he will never say that out loud for Oikawa to hear because he will definitely use them excessively everytime he sends Iwaizumi a message.

He typed a quick “see you, 7” before tucking his phone back in his bag and throwing it inside the locker. The smile caused by the simple message and the anticipation for the night stays during the practice which his teammates point out.

_“You’re smiling too much.”_

He knows but he doesn’t care.

-

The travel time from Iwaizumi’s university to Oikawa’s is just twenty minutes. He knows this for years but it didn’t make him confident enough as he left practice in a hurry.

He’s now standing awkwardly alone near the other’s university entrance. It’s twenty minutes before seven and Oikawa won’t be out until then. His bestfriend’s Monday practice ends at 6:30 but he knows Oikawa needs at least thirty minutes to organize himself, he always does. Not that it makes any difference to Iwaizumi because to him, Oikawa is beautiful, whether he is tired and sweaty from practice or he’s comfortably sitting in Hajime’s couch while humming to a song he recommended few days ago. Thinking about it, his favorite look would probably be-

“Uhm, excuse me, Iwaizumi-san?” someone said, interrupting his train of thoughts.

“Yes?” he said, confused. He doesn’t know the woman who just called his attention.

“Hi!” the woman half-shouted like she wasn’t expecting Iwaizumi to actually hear her.

Iwaizumi doesn’t know what to say so he just stares at her expectantly which turns out be a wrong move because the girl blushed hard and mumbled something too quiet for him to hear.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that,” said Iwaizumi, scratching the back of his head.

“Oh, sorry!” she replied, still a little too loud. “I said I like your playing style,”

“My playing style?”

“Yes! I’m a fan! Also, a volleyball player, a wing spiker too! I have always liked how you play,” she replied, excitement evident in her voice.

For a few seconds following the declaration, Iwaizumi is too surprised to reply. He just stares at the woman. He has a fan? Sure, few people praised his plays over the years but no one ever told him that they are a fan.

“Wow, sorry. I... this is the first time someone told me that,” he replied feeling a blush coloring his cheeks.

“What? That they like how you play? That’s impossible,” she replied, surprise in her voice.

“No. Not that. The fan part,” Iwaizumi admitted.

“Oh. Well, it’s true,” she said.

The silence that follows is awkward. Iwaizumi doesn’t know how to deal with this or what to say to someone who just told him that she’s a fan. You’d think all these years of watching people approach Oikawa and tell him they’re fans would prepare him for this. But, no. He has no idea what to do and clearly, the woman too.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Rika!” Iwaizumi nods.

“Rika-kun, thank you. I am happy to hear that you like how I play,” he said bowing a little while giving her a smile.

“No! I’m the happy one because I got to meet you!” she said, giving him a bow back.

Iwaizumi smiled. It’s kind of refreshing to meet a stranger who thinks he's good at what he do. It’s empowering.

“Uhm.. can I ask for a photo?” she said, almost too quiet that Hajime would’ve missed it if he’s not looking at her.

For the second time since meeting Rika, Iwaizumi was stunned to silence. How does Oikawa do this?

Rika took the silence as refusal and mumbled, “it’s okay if you don’t want to! I’m just happy to have been able to greet you!”

“No, it’s fine,” he said while holding up his hand, asking for Rika’s phone.

After taking two photos that were accompanied by some panic _(what to do with my hands, how should I smile)_ he tried so hard not to show on his face, Rika looks ecstatic. She beams up to Iwaizumi and he thinks she’s pretty.

 _Not as pretty as Tooru though._ He can’t argue with that. He smiles at his own thoughts.

“Iwa-chan,”

The speed of his head turning to find the source of the voice should’ve hurt but it doesn’t. He thinks years of doing the exact same thing everytime he hears an “Iwa-chan” out of nowhere made him immune to the strain.

“Rika-kun,” Oikawa turned to the girl.

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow but Oikawa wasn’t looking at him.

“Oikawa-san,” she replied while giving him a bow. When she straightened up, realization is evident on her face.

“Oh, you’re here to pick him up,” she said addressing Iwaizumi.

Oikawa nods while walking towards them. He stopped beside Iwaizumi, a little too close than the usual but Hajime doesn’t mind at all.

“We’re going on a da-“

“Dinner. We’re having dinner,” Iwaizumi cuts him off.

Rika nods. “I won’t hold you up any more than I already have,” she said as she starts walking away from the two.

Three steps after, she stopped, turned to face the two again then blurted out “Congratulations! I wish you happiness!” before resuming her retreat.

Iwaizumi shook his head and let out a little laugh. The entire encounter was strange enough and now she wished them happiness as if they’re getting married or something. He turned to ask Oikawa how he deals with fan encounters but his best friend already left his side.

“Oikawa!” he called but the brunette didn’t look back.

He jogged to catch up with his bestfriend but Oikawa made no move to acknowledge his presence. They walked in silence for a few minutes until they reach the main street and Oikawa started turning left.

“Oi, the diner’s this way,” Iwaizumi said.

“My dorm’s this way,” Oikawa replied simply.

_Oh._

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he said, grabbing Oikawa’s wrist before he can continue walking.

“Nothing,” Oikawa said while looking at Iwaizumi’s hand wrapped around his wrist. Hajime tightens his grip. “Really, Iwa-chan, it’s nothing. I guess I’m just too tired.”

“Okay. Let’s just have dinner at your place,” he sighs. This evening is already falling apart.

“It’s fine, Iwa-chan. Let’s just have one on Friday,” Oikawa said but Iwaizumi is already walking in the direction of his dorm, dragging him along.

“Iwa-chan, really-“

“Let’s stop by that convenience store,” he’s overly aware that he’s still holding Oikawa’s wrist but the other doesn’t do anything to remove his hands so he doesn’t let go.

Somehow, walking like this in the middle of Tokyo feels right. Iwaizumi knows this is nothing special. He has been holding Tooru since they were kids, literally and figuratively. He has been a clumsy kid so he would always hold on to Iwaizumi when he feels the ground is dangerous enough to leave scratches on his knees. He’s not always strong as he shows to others. There were moments in the past when Tooru gets lost on his own misery and insecurities but Hajime was always there to hold him, to keep him grounded. Holding him should be nothing new but after realizing his feelings for his bestfriend two years ago, it made everything they do together somewhat special to him.

Once at the convenience store, he lets go of Oikawa’s wrist so he can hold on to the basket. He went to find milk breads first because if there’s anything that would cheer his bestfriend up, it’s milk bread.

He stays a little too long in front of its shelf contemplating how many to get because Oikawa can definitely live off this bread but they also need proper food. He decides and grabs two. That should be enough.

When he turns, he finds his bestfriend smiling, phone on hand.

“What?” he snaps but there’s no bite in his tone.

“Nothing,” Oikawa answered shaking his head, smile still in place.

They decide to just get two of those ready-to-cook meals the store offers.

-

Oikawa is reheating the food they got when he asked, “So what did you and Rika-kun talked about?”

For the past half an hour with Oikawa, Iwaizumi completely forgot that encounter.

“She just said hi and told me she’s a fan,” he replied, suddenly feeling shy saying it out loud. Then he remembered something.

“Hey how do you know each other?” he asked.

“She’s with the women’s team in my university,” Oikawa answered. So she really plays volleyball too.

“You know, I was thinking about you during the entire encounter,” Iwaizumi said, realizing a little late that the words he used were too honest. He scrambles his mind to find words to explain what he just said.

“I mean, it’s the first time someone told me they are a fan so I was awkward during the entire conversation. It got me thinking, how does Shittykawa do this? It was hard,” he said in a rush earning a soft laugh from the other.

“But Iwa-chan, that was not the first time someone told you they were a fan!” Oikawa says as he settles himself down the chair in front of Iwaizumi.

“Oh do you remember something I don’t?” Iwaizumi said while raising one eyebrow.

“I literally just told you weeks ago that your receives are way better now!”

“And?”

“AND?! It means I am a fan of your receives! Also remember that first time you-”

_Ding!_

The microwave signals that their foods are now ready. Oikawa looks offended that he was interrupted by a microwave but still went to retrieve their meals and placed Iwaizumi’s food in front of him.

Half way through eating their dinner, Oikawa broke the comfortable silence.

“ Sorry,” he said.

“For what?” Iwaizumi asks because he can’t remember anything that would require Oikawa to apologize to him.

“For dinner. I know you have a place in mind but we ended up eating cheap to-go food,” Oikawa explained.

“It’s fine. You’re tired,” Iwaizumi replies simply.

Oikawa nods and looks like he was about to say something else but Iwaizumi’s phone alarm interrupted him. _8PM._ He turns it off and looked back to Oikawa to hear what he was about to say.

“Time for the meds?” the brunette says smiling and Iwaizumi nods. He feels uneasy asking Oikawa to continue what he was about to say so he just lets it go as they finish their dinner.

-

“Iwa-chan? Thank you,” Oikawa said, interrupting Iwaizumi’s thoughts which were how attractive Tooru’s neck is as he drank the pills and water, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, and how badly he wants to trail kisses there.

He shook his head before answering, partly to distract Oikawa from the blush that is surely on his face right now and largely to clear his head. The thought of kissing Oikawa is far too distracting and dangerous at a time like this when he is close.

“For what?” he replied after a moment.

“For everything? I don’t think I already said thank you for picking me up at the hospital last Saturday. And for letting me stay at your place after that. And also for taking care of me, you even invited me to dinner tonight and set up a daily alarm for my meds,” Oikawa said.

He’s looking at Iwaizumi like he’s trying to see through his soul. His soul that finds peace everytime he does something for Oikawa. His soul that loves just staring at the beauty that is his bestfriend. His soul that is hopelessly in love with Tooru.

Oikawa takes a step closer towards him. He’s now close enough that Iwaizumi could touch him if he just extends his hands. It takes all of his willpower not to do just that, no matter how tempting it is at the moment.

“And for agreeing and going along as my boyfriend. I know it’s causing you too much unwanted attention so I’m sorry about that. But really, thank you,” he continued.

The atmosphere somewhat shifted since Oikawa thanked him. The shift isn’t bad but it’s unfamiliar. It makes him nervous.

“I.. it’s fine. I’ve been taking care of you since we were kids, dumbass. Stop being overly sentimental,” he said, trying to shift the atmosphere back to the comfortable and familiar one but he knows he failed when Oikawa takes another step, still looking at him intensely.

He clenched his fists to stop himself from reaching out. He’s trying his best not to give in to his palpable desire to run his fingers through Tooru’s hair while he kisses him. He’s trying his best not take a step forward to finally close the space between them. He‘s trying his best to stop his mouth from saying something he’ll regret later. _He’s perfect._

He tries his best to do what he’s been doing for the past two years. He’s trying but Oikawa’s proximity, the way he looks at Iwaizumi and the unfamiliar atmosphere are making his resolve fade. He unclenched his fists, took a half step forward just when Oikawa engulfs him in a hug.

He was too surprised to do anything other than stand still. _Tooru is hugging him_. He thought about this a lot of times, he imagined hugging him differently from all the other side hugs they shared in the past. He pictured this moment but those are nowhere close to the real thing. The atmosphere is still strange but he knows it’s safe.

“Thank you, Hajime,” Oikawa whispers and every bit of Iwaizumi becomes alive. His mind starts working again, his heart is beating too fast, his knees are weak.

Oikawa shifts in his position and Iwaizumi immediately brings his hands up to hug his bestfriend back. He holds him close, allowing the strange atmosphere to settle in. He closes his eyes, imagines this hug is more than what Oikawa meant it to be. For a moment, he allows himself to the idea that yes, he really is Oikawa Tooru’s boyfriend, that his friend feels the same way, that their hearts beat at the same time, for the same reasons.

He gave himself more seconds before he loosens his grip, subtly presses his lips on Oikawa’s hair while inhaling his smell.

When they broke apart, it was not awkward and Iwaizumi is relieved.

“You should head home, Iwa-chan! We both have morning trainings,” Oikawa said with a genuine smile.

-

As he was walking home, Iwaizumi thinks back to what Hanamaki and Matsukawa told him.

_“..at the end of the day, you are still loving him in the dark. And I think you deserve better than that.”_

_“..you’ll start to live in the idea and it’s not good. It’ll leave you empty.”_

Now, he understands them more. Despite that strange moment they shared, Iwaizumi’s love for Oikawa is still in the dark. His desires are still hidden and despite doing just that for two years, he can’t help but feel emptier now. Maybe he’s really starting to live in the idea that there’s something more between them. Maybe it’s the look Oikawa gave him or maybe it’s the way he said his name. It gave him another flicker of hope but he knows Issei is right, it’s not good.

-

_rika_ito tagged you in a photo._

Iwaizumi pressed the notification and was directed to a photo he took earlier with Rika.

“Happy fan ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶” the caption says

He likes the photo and noticed Oikawa already did and left a comment as well. He decides to humor him.

@iwa_hajime (≧◡≦) ♡  
@ohgreatooru ( ◡‿◡ *)

A few minutes after he settled on his bed, another notification came.

_ohgreatooru mentioned you in their story._

What Oikawa shares is a photo of the bread shelf at the convenience store. Iwaizumi is on the right side of the photo, back to the camera.

There’s a text in the photo.

“I’m your number one fan!!!!”

Iwaizumi smiles. He knows Oikawa is referring to the milk breads but he wants to think that Oikawa meant differently.

That idea is not terrible at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments on the previous chapter ❤️
> 
> As usual, comments/suggestions/kudos are appreciated.
> 
> Next chapter, there will be a major shift in something. I won't spoil beyond that!!
> 
> I hope you're having a good day!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All of this love is toxic  
> All these kisses and hugs is not shit  
> You a damn drug, you're toxic"
> 
> — Toxic by Kehlani

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, I needed cups of coffee to get my mind right to finally finish this chapter. Hope you enjoy it!!

A shrill sound woke Iwaizumi up. He blindly reaches for the source of the offending sound and realized that it’s his phone. He groaned as he dismisses the alarm with the intention of going back to his peaceful sleep. He knows it’s Saturday so why the hell did he set up an alarm? He must be out of his mind. He puts his phone below the pillow instead of putting it back on the bedside table. It takes too much energy.

He is drifting back to sleep when another sound disturbs the stillness of his room. It’s his phone again but this time, it’s not his alarm. Still half asleep, he picks it up, _again_.

“What?” he says, not bothering to check the caller ID.

“Good morning, dear Iwa-chan!!!!”

“Too loud, too loud,” Iwaizumi replied, putting his phone away from his ear. He can hear Oikawa apologizing on the other line.

“Sorry! I just thought you need a wake-up call since you most likely turned off your alarm,” he said, sounding really apologetic.

“I did,” he admitted and he can almost imagine Oikawa’s _I knew it_ face. He smiles fondly at the image.

“Well, get up now. It’s 8:30 and my appointment is 9:30. You promised to accompany me,”

“I know, I know,” he said lying back down on his bed. There was a few seconds of silence then-

“Iwaizumi Hajime, get off the bed now!” Oikawa half-shouted over the phone.

“I hate you,” Iwaizumi replied though there’s no venom in his words. Oikawa chuckles and Iwaizumi holds his breath at the sound. _Wow._

He grudgingly left his bed and begins stretching trying to get rid of the stiffness caused by his sleep.

“I’m up now, mom. Is breakfast ready?” he jokes over the phone.

“Yep! I’m downstairs,”

“WHAT?” Iwaizumi half-shouted. His arms are paused mid-air.

“I was downstairs but now I’m at the elevator. I’ll be there in a few seconds with your breakfast, my dead child,” Oikawa explains carefully as if he is really talking to a child.

“Tooru,”

“I’m serious. I’m at your door. I’m letting myself in. I’ll hang up now,” Oikawa says and sure enough, he can hear his door opening and closing.

He rushed outside to check just in case it isn’t his bestfriend and not because he wants to see him fast. Okay, it’s definitely the latter. Who is he trying to fool?

The morning light that slips through the curtain of his small living room hits Toorus’s face and it’s like Hajime is staring at something he shouldn’t. It’s like seeing something that is too holy for his eyes, it’s as if he’s seeing an angel.

Oikawa noticed him and smiles. Iwaizumi’s heart hurt, how can someone be that beautiful?

“What are you doing here?” was the first thing he said.

“Why, of course, bringing you breakfast,” Oikawa says as he sets the bags he’s holding on Iwaizumi’s kitchen counter.

“Why?”

“Because I miss Iwa-chan!”

If Iwaizumi blushes at that, no one sees. Oikawa has his back on him, busy setting up everything for their breakfast. He navigates in the kitchen like he owns the place and Iwaizumi has no complaints. He allows himself to smile before joining Oikawa in the kitchen. He sits at the stool opposite Oikawa and spent minutes watching him make coffee.

-

“Hey, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says, breaking their silent walk to the hospital. Iwaizumi hums in response indicating that he’s listening.

“Can I hold your hand?”

Iwaizumi stops walking and it took a few steps before Oikawa realizes that his bestfriend is not walking with him anymore.

He knows his face isn’t portraying the whirlwind of emotions that he’s currently feeling. His heart is beating impossibly faster in his chest. Did Oikawa just ask him if he can hold his hand? Or is he hearing things?

“I mean, if you’re uncomfortable, it’s fine. It’s just that they think you’re my boyfriend and-“

“Okay,” he said, cutting off Oikawa’s stammering.

He knows he must be imagining things because he swears Oikawa’s face lights up when he starts walking towards him.

Oikawa extends his hand and Iwaizumi takes it. Both of their hands are calloused from playing too much volleyball but he doesn’t mind. Not when he’s holding Oikawa, feeling his warmth against his own. They continued walking towards the hospital, hand in hand.

Oikawa is talking about this tofu that his roommate bought the other night and how he might like it. Iwaizumi nods and hums along the story but he’s really just too busy memorizing the feeling of Tooru’s hands against his and the look on his face while talking about something Hajime might like. He doesn’t want to admit it but this might be the only time he has to experience this. His heart hurts, different from before, but there’s no time to be thinking about that.

He can hear Issei’s voice at the furthest corner of his consciousness, screaming at him for being dumb.

He figures he doesn’t care at the moment, not when Tooru looks genuinely happy and ethereal.

-

The appointment was done by noon. As they were exiting the room, Iwaizumi can hear the therapist advising Oikawa not to have extra practice for the time being and upon seeing Iwaizumi, asked both of them to monitor the knee before, during and after any strenuous activity. They both nod, said their thanks and Nurse Mei, the same one who called Iwaizumi a week ago, sends them off with her usual smile.

Iwaizumi noted that Oikawa reached for his hand the moment he can.

He must be really into keeping their lie.

-

Their afternoon was spent in Iwaizumi’s apartment, watching a replay of last year’s match between Panasonic Panthers and JT Thunders while eating an unhealthy amount of junk food (they promised not to eat any more junk food for the next two weeks). Iwaizumi thinks they’re sitting closer than usual because he can feel Oikawa’s heat radiating off him. He didn’t have time to dwell on that though because Oikawa suddenly screamed at an amazing dump made by the setter. He saw it last year, in person, but it never fails to amaze him.

The match is almost over when Iwaizumi received a text from his teammate, Kuroo.

> _8PM, don’t forget._

It takes him a moment to realize what the other man is talking about.

“Shit,” he says under his breath. It’s already 7:30.

“I know right! They could’ve won it!” replies Oikawa, thinking his reaction is still about the game they’re watching.

“Hey,”

Oikawa hums, eyes still on the screen.

“So I promised my teammate that I’m going to his cat’s birthday party tonight,” now that he says it aloud, it sounds ridiculous. And it probably is because Oikawa turns to him, eyes wide.

Iwaizumi shakes his head, the last thing he needs is Oikawa thinking he’s only making up an excuse to leave, “I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s true.”

“Can I come?” Oikawa says excitedly.

“Yes. Wait, what?”

“It’s a birthday party for a cat and I haven’t been to one. Unless you don’t want me there, which is totally fine. I’ll just go home and find something to do to clear my head of thoughts of Iwa-chan who doesn’t want me to join their-“

“You’re too dramatic. Why am I friends with you?” _Why am I in love with you?_

“Because I put balance in your boring life,” Oikawa answers.

Iwaizumi throws a pillow at him.

-

They arrived at Kuroo’s house, hand in hand, fifteen minutes late because Oikawa insisted on not arriving on time.

Iwaizumi knocks and the door is answered by a rather bored looking guy with a bad bleach job (just his opinion).

“Welcome,” is all he says before going back inside.

Iwaizumi shrugs and enters the house dragging Oikawa along. He takes a quick look at the house, noting the presence of beers in the kitchen counter.

“Oh so you finally decided to grace me with your presence!” came a voice too loud to ignore.

“Sorry we’re late, someone was a slow walker,” Iwaizumi answered.

“Oh oh oh!! Is this the famous Oikawa Tooru?” Kuroo asks. Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow because Kuroo knows what Oikawa looks like, he thinks everyone who plays college volleyball know who Oikawa Tooru is.

Kuroo extends his hand, “Kuroo Tetsurou”

Oikawa shakes his hand, “Oikawa Tooru. Pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,”

“Oh please stop,” Iwaizumi interrupted because he’s pretty sure those two won’t stop. Maybe it’s a bad idea letting Oikawa meet Kuroo.

“So where’s your cat?” Iwaizumi asks because he seriously wants to see the cat who is lucky enough to have his owner throw a party to celebrate its birthday.

“Oh, right. Wait. Kenma!” Kuroo says calling for his cat. Kenma is a too human name in Iwaizumi’s opinion but who is he to judge? He remembers naming a beetle ‘Tooru’ just because he wants to tease his bestfriend who was too afraid of bugs back then.

A few seconds later, the same man who answered the door joins them, looking as bored as he was when he let them in.

“This is Kenma,” Kuroo says and it took a few seconds for everything to click.

_Oh. This bastard._

“Happy birthday!” Oikawa says, voice a little too high than his normal one.

“Happy birthday, Kenma-kun,” Iwazumi says, shooting daggers at Kuroo.

“What did he told you?” Kenma says looking between Iwaizumi and Kuroo.

“Nothing dear, I just invited them to your party like a normal man,” Kuroo answers for them.

Kenma doesn’t look convinced but he nods. Maybe he knows nothing is normal when Kuroo is involved and pointing it out will be in vain.

-

A few drinks later, Iwaizumi can’t help but let out a laugh thinking how he thought this was going to be a party for a cat.

“What’s so funny, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asks.

Iwaizumi sees that he’s blushing, a sign that he’s near his drinking limit and that he should stop Oikawa from getting more drinks or it will be a disaster.

“I was thinking about how Kuroo told me something ridiculous to get me to attend this party,” he says, reaching for the bottle of beer Oikawa is eyeing. “And no more drinks for you,”

Oikawa pouts, “But Iwa-chan is still drinking, why am I not allowed one more?”

“Because I need to you to be sober enough when we go home. I don’t want to half-carry you to your dorm,” Iwaizumi explains simply.

“You’re such a good boyfriend. I’m so lucky,” Oikawa croons.

Iwaizumi almost chokes which he tries to disguise as a cough.

He flicks Oikawa’s forehead.

“I’m the lucky one,” he says letting a bit of honesty out.

It wouldn’t hurt, they’re both tipsy and Iwaizumi can always use that as an excuse.

-

The start of their walk back to Iwaizumi’s apartment is a bit wobbly but otherwise fun. They stopped by a convenience store to buy water to help sober them up.

Iwaizumi thinks it worked as they resume their way to his apartment. Oikawa reaches for his hand again.

“You like my hand that much?” Iwaizumi says lightly, squeezing Oikawa’s hand.

“I like you that much,” Oikawa answers.

Iwaizumi stops walking. His heart is making it hard to move.

“I-“

“Stop,” Iwaizumi replies, tone hard.

“What?” Oikawa asks, confused.

“Stop. Stop saying those things like you mean it,” Iwaizumi says. He knows he’s being unreasonable. Oikawa just said he likes Iwaizumi, most likely as a friend, and now he’s mad at everything.

He knows this is not the right time to bring this up, not when they are both tipsy. But what Oikawa said snapped something inside him and he can’t stop the pain he’s been bottling up for years.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says as Iwaizumi lets go his hand.

“No, enough Tooru. Stop. Stop please,”

Oikawa is biting his bottom lip as if trying not to say anything more. Iwaizumi stops himself from reaching out. He wants so badly to go back minutes before he snaps, back to when he was holding Oikawa’s hand. But he can't and he can't stop the words that's pouring out of his mouth either.

“Stop acting like we’re more than bestfriends,” Iwaizumi continues in a low voice.

There, he said it. Hanamaki and Matsukawa must be proud of him.

He takes the risk of glancing up at Oikawa and it was clearly a wrong move. He was met by the face he’s weak for, the face he thinks is the most beautiful he’s ever laid his eyes on. He smiles painfully then turns away.

The reality sinking in again. He’s in love with his bestfriend and has always been afraid that it would ruin their closeness and years of friendship. That's why he decided a long time ago that he’d rather love Oikawa secretly than tell him the truth. He’d rather have Oikawa beside him than love him from afar. He would die a bit inside everyday if that’s what it takes to be close to Tooru. Maybe this love is toxic but he didn't care.

A tear escaped his eyes. He’s a fool and now it’s catching up to him.

He shouldn’t have agreed to be Tooru’s fake boyfriend, he should have thought of a better idea, he should have corrected everyone who implied that they are together, he shouldn’t have held his hand. He shouldn’t have let himself get a taste of something he can’t have because it’s way too dangerous and now he’s gonna have to face the consequences.

Tooru reaches out, wiping the tear.

“Hajime, look at me please,” Oikawa says, using the hand that wiped the tear to turn Hajime’s face so he’s facing him again.

“I’m tired, Tooru. Please,” he exhales. It’s been harder to breathe for the past seconds.

“Don’t tell me you like me like with that tone. Don’t hold my hand like we’re really together. Don’t look at me like you see me more than just your bestfriend. Stop, please.”

_Silence._

“Stop giving me a bit of hope that everything is the way I want it to be,” he continues before looking away again.

He’s grateful that it’s late and the street they are now doesn’t have much people. It’s enough that he’s breaking down in front of Tooru, he doesn’t need more people to see how pathetic he is right now.

_Please say I'm wrong, that there really is hope. Please.._

Tooru doesn’t speak and it’s all Hajime needs to confirm that he just imagined everything. It’s all just his mind playing tricks on him because he loves Oikawa more than he thought he can. He just imagined the look on Tooru’s face when he agreed to hold hands. He just thought Tooru sat closer to him the entire day. Maybe it has been the normal distance, maybe he’s just dreaming while awake.

It hurts but he thinks he deserves it for letting himself live in the idea that there’s something more between them. Damn, he should have listened to Issei’s voice earlier.

He steps away and gives him a smile like he’s trying to tell him that it’s fine.

_It’s fine, I can continue loving you from afar._

“I need to go,” he says.

Tooru just looks at him like he still hasn’t processed everything Hajime said. Maybe he hasn’t but Iwaizumi’s heart is too heavy to care at the moment.

He walks away, leaving Tooru staring at his retreating figure. He wants to look back but he knows if he does, he’ll cry.

He’ll cry his heart out but not in front of Tooru.

He has ruined everything enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And.. oops.
> 
> Comments/suggestions/kudos are appreciated.
> 
> Thank you for reading! 🖤


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is a bit late!! Thank you for continuing and I hope you enjoy!!

The moment he opened his eyes, he instantly know two things. One, it’s Sunday and he promised Matsukawa that he’ll help with his course subject _(he needs to make a music video and he asked Iwaizumi, Hanamaki AND Oikawa to help him)_ and second, he fucked up last night.

He wishes he’s drunk enough to forget the whole breaking down in front of Oikawa but he isn’t. He’s been slightly tipsy but he knew everything he did and said. He can clearly remember the look Oikawa gave him when he said he needed to go. He has a very clear memory of how everything went down.

 _Damn._ If someone told Iwaizumi that he will spill his feelings out while _just_ _a bit tipsy_ , after hiding it for two freaking years, he would’ve laugh. What’s worse is everything was going fine yesterday. Oikawa brought him breakfast, he accompanied him to his therapy, they spent literally the entire day together and they held hands, in Tooru’s initiative. He should’ve known that it is going a little _too well_ for him.

He groans.

He really fucked up.

Before getting pulled deeper in his own misery, his phone rang. This time he carefully picks it up and checks the caller ID just in case it’s Oikawa.

It isn’t.

It’s Matsukawa. He can’t help but feel a bit disappointed. He got so used to getting Oikawa’s calls in the morning for the past week. With a sigh, he answered his phone.

“Hey,”

“Hey you,” replied his friend.

There was a moment of silence. Iwaizumi is feeling too miserable to start a conversation but Issei probably sensed it since he broke the silence.

“You okay?”

“A bit tired. I had a late night,” he said. It’s not a lie but not the whole truth either. He’s not sure if he can talk about it over the phone.

“Hmm.. can you make it later?”

He most definitely can. He promised his friend that he will help with whatever ridiculousness his professor came up with. He promised but that was made before he fucked up with Oikawa.

“Actually...” he started but was quickly cut off.

“You can’t,” he continued for him.

“What?” he said, trying to feign innocence.

“Come on dude. What happened?”

He was met by silence. He doesn’t want to deal with this first thing on a Sunday but Matsukawa only wants to know because he’s a good friend.

“How do you know something happened?” he starts, if not delaying the inevitable disappointed lectures he will surely get.

“Oikawa called moments ago. He said he can’t make it,” Issei explains.

“Did he say why?”

“Just that he’s unwell. I thought he has hangover or something knowing that you two went to a party without us,”

“That’s-“

“It’s okay Iwa, I’m kidding. Anyway, so I said he should rest. But then now I’m talking to you and you’re telling me you can’t go as well which is too much of a coincidence,” Matsukawa continued.

“I haven’t told you that I can’t go and maybe I have hangover too,” Iwaizumi said.

“You haven’t but you were about to say that and you never suffer from a hangover. We’ve been friends for years, don’t insult my knowledge,” Matsukawa countered. Sometimes Iwaizumi thinks he’s too smart for his own good.

He shakes his head. Matsukawa is right, he has never suffered from a hangover which he knows is a miracle and a blessing but now, he feels cursed. If he could just have a few more moments to forget what happened, he’d take it.

He must have been quiet for long because Matsukawa speaks again.

“There’s a problem,” he says. He doesn’t need to ask, he’s perceptive when it comes to his friends. “Is this about your _secret_?” he continues, his tone slightly changes at the last word.

“Yeah,” he admits.

“We’re coming over,” is all he says before hanging up.

-

An hour and a quick lunch later, they are huddled in Iwaizumi’s small living room.

“We were on our way home and he said something stupid,” Iwaizumi says. He stops speaking hoping his friends would get the idea.

They don’t.

He groans. “He reached for my hand and I teased him for liking my hand so much and he said that he liked me that much. I don’t know what happened to me but I snapped at him. I told him to stop doing literally everything he has been doing the entire day.”

He was met with silence and stunned faces. He waits but the two looks like they’ve seen Iwaizumi in an alien costume _(which they did but that was just once!!)_. Matsukawa finally speaks.

“You’re dumber that I thought.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have agreed to everything,” he replied leaning back on his sofa. He closes his eyes and hopes the sofa can just swallow him.

“That and also, you didn’t let Oikawa speak. Based on your story, you did all the talking then walked out on him,” Hanamaki says throwing an alien plushie at him.

He picks it up and stares at it. It was Oikawa’s gift to him when he made it to the first string of his university team just on their second year. Considering the competition for his position, he expects to get promoted in his third year but Oikawa insisted that he saw it coming because _‘Iwa-chan is the best’._ The next day, after telling him the news, he crashed in his apartment with the plushie. Iwaizumi complained that it looks hideous, much to Oikawa's chagrin. He thinks it's not ugly in the slightest but he will never admit that he finds it a _little_ cute either. His train of thoughts is cut off when Hanamaki speaks again.

“You’re thinking of Oikawa,” he says. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow because how did he know? Hanamaki is smart but he’s no mind reader at all.

“You’re smiling like an idiot,” he answers the unspoken question, eyes rolling.

_Oh._

“He probably hates me now.”

“Why?” asks Matsukawa.

Iwaizumi thinks of one reason that won’t sound ridiculous when he say out loud. Maybe Oikawa is mad at him for keeping it a secret when they promised way back that they’ll always be honest with each other? Or maybe because he thinks he took advantage of him yesterday? Or-

“Iwa-“

“We’re supposed to be bestfriends,” he cuts his friend off. Yes, they were supposed to be bestfriends, nothing more.

“Dude, you really are an idiot. It’s like we’re talking to a different person rather than Iwa-chan who’s brave, strong and supposedly the _best_ ,” Hanamaki says.

“Don’t quote him on me now,” he says, glaring at Hanamaki who looks smug at his choice of words.

The banter went on for a while until Matsukawa suddenly says, “Wait, have you seen this?” with his eyes glued on his phone.

Hanamaki grabbed it and when he saw what _this_ is, his eyes went wide that it looked like it would pop out anytime soon. He waits for either of the two to fill him up with whatever they saw but neither moved.

“What is it?” he finally asks, deciding that he needs to bring the two back to his presence.

Hanamaki soundlessly hands him Matsukawa’s phone. He took it finally saw what is on the screen. It’s a photo of him, at Kuroo/Kenma’s party, smiling. Before he can react, the photo disappears and he was back on Matsukawa’s feed.

“Whose story was it?” was all he can think of saying though he has a pretty good idea who posted the photo.

“Oikawa.”

“You are mentioned. You didn’t see it?” inquires Hanamaki.

“No,” he remembers deciding not to turn on his data yesterday because he wants to enjoy Oikawa’s company. If anyone important needs him, they have his number.

“Look at his stories,” says Matsukawa.

So he did. He went to Oikawa’s profile and clicked on his stories.

First photo is a selfie of him in Iwaizumi’s couch, holding the same plushie he’s currently holding. There’s a text, “Good morning!!!! I’m with a cute one!!!!!!” Iwaizumi’s mind quickly adds, _“you’re cuter.”_

Second is a photo of their lunch. Iwaizumi remembers going to the bathroom. That’s when he must have taken the photo. There’s a text saying “Happy Tooru, happy lunch.”

When he clicked the screen to see the third photo, he almost dropped the phone. Matsukawa glares at him and he gave him an apologetic smile in return. He brings his attention back to the other’s story, it’s a photo of their intertwined hands. He can’t remember seeing Oikawa take a photo but it’s definitely their hands, Iwaizumi’s bracelet is unmistakably recognizable in the other man’s wrist. Another text accompanies the photo, a simple “Thank you.”

He can feel Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s eyes on him but he can’t bring himself to care at the moment. He clicks the screen to see the next photos. He uploaded three more photos taken at the party. Iwaizumi isn't surprise to see that Oikawa already know Kuroo's account and have tagged him in one of the photos, they were getting along pretty well last night. When he reached the last story, he really dropped the phone, picked it up quickly and apologizes. In the photo is him, looking somewhere not captured by the camera, bottle in hand, smiling. The lights did something on his face, it made his eyes look brighter and if he is being honest, he looked quite good. Oikawa did a great god job capturing this photo. He mentions him on this one, his username put just in the middle. And there’s a text on the side of the photo, too small to immediately notice in a sea of colors, blending too well with them. He would have missed it if he’s not pressing on the screen to hold the story, trying to think of how Oikawa managed to take a good photo despite being quite tipsy. But when he saw it, he dropped the phone, again. Iwaizumi feels like his heart is on his throat and he can’t let any sound out.

He stares at his friends who are watching him. Matsukawa reached for his phone on the floor and breaks the silence.

“Earth to Iwa?”

“I... he.. why..” he shakes his head, willing himself to remember how to speak properly.

“Why would he post those and say that?” he finally says.

“Oh God, you really are stupid,” Hanamaki answers him, a grin on his face.

“Issei, please enlighten him,”

Matsukawa sighs like everything is too much work. Well, maybe it is. Iwaizumi can add two and two but he wants to hear it from another person because he can’t trust himself right now. He can’t trust the same person who snapped at his bestfriend he’s in love with, not the person who was too much of a coward to not act on his feelings for two years. He can’t trust himself because he knows that flicker of hope he has been holding on for the past week is still so much alive after seeing those photos. He needs someone level headed when it comes to Oikawa to spell it out for him.

“Based on how Oikawa acted for the past week, in addition to those photos from yesterday, we therefore conclude that he might like you too,” Matsukawa says, trying to sound like he made the discovery of the decade.

Iwaizumi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. The flicker of hope he has been trying to grasp for the past week is now slowly becoming a steady light.

“I need to talk to him, don’t I?” he asks in no one in particular.

“Yes,” answers two voices.

With that, Iwaizumi is out of his apartment, heart beating too fast to be considered healthy. He hears Hiro shout something but he didn’t have time or the ability to comprehend it. His mind is just repeating the same word Oikawa included in that last photo.

“Mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I /tried/ to stay in the light angst lane for a bit longer but IwaOi makes me all soft so (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃  
> Also, this chapter is a bit shorter than the previous ones but I want to keep you all hanging for a bit so I cut it short (o^ ^o) 
> 
> As usual, comments/suggestions/expectations/kudos are appreciated! I love reading what you think.
> 
> Thank you 🖤


	6. Chapter 6

_Mine. Mine. Mine_

The word keeps on ringing inside Iwaizumi’s head. He’s on his way to Oikawa’s dorm, a man with a mission.

That is until he reaches the train station and reaches for his card which is always in his wallet. He doesn’t have his wallet. He left his phone too so he can’t call Issei or Takahiro to ask a favor. He rushed out of his apartment without bringing _anything._ His stupidity surprises him sometimes.

Defeated, he begins walking back to his apartment. The walk seems to be longer than his way to the station. His brain has also calmed down which means he begins to see everything clearly. Oikawa took a photo of their intertwined hands saying thanks. That could mean nothing, right? He’s just grateful that Iwaizumi has accompanied him to the hospital and agreed to keep their lie by holding hands. He said so himself, people think they’re together so they should act like they are.

Oikawa took a photo of him at the party with the word _mine_ because he’s just drunk, right? Drunk people often say something ridiculous and sometimes, they don’t mean it. Besides, he didn’t say anything at all when Iwaizumi broke down in front of him. He didn’t say that Iwaizumi is wrong, he did nothing.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki think Oikawa likes him too but they’re probably wrong. Maybe-

“Told you he’ll be back,” Hanamaki’s voice breaks his mental torture.

“I forgot my wallet and phone,” he says while removing his shoes.

“That’s what I was shouting at you but you didn’t seem to hear me,” Hanamaki says.

He sighs and went back to his seat before he rushed out earlier.

“What are you doing?” Matsukawa asks.

“I was thinking maybe we are wrong? Oikawa might not-“

“Oh god, Iwaizumi. Just fucking go. Talk to him. We can’t continue assuming here, we told you what we think and you can’t continue torturing yourself. That’s not healthy,” Hanamaki interrupted him. He sounds exhausted, maybe he is because Iwaizumi himself is.

“Look dude, Oikawa is _your_ bestfriend for almost your entire life. If there’s anyone who should know him, it’s you,” Matsukawa supplies.

He’s right. Iwaizumi knows Oikawa. The past week has been hard to process because of his feelings but he knows his friend. Tooru will not do something he does not mean. He might be tipsy but he knows what he posts, he has always been careful what to post considering he has quite a number followers. If he doesn’t mean anything, he would’ve deleted the photo. But he didn’t.

Iwaizumi takes a deep breath and looks at his friends.

“Thank you. I should go,” he says.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa are probably the best people in the world after Oikawa and he’s very grateful to have met the of them.

-

When he knocked on the door, he prayed Oikawa would answer. Sugawara is nice but he just wants to talk to Oikawa immediately before he loses his nerve. So when Sugawara opened the door, he can’t hide the disappointment in his features.

“God, no need to look so disappointed, Iwaizumi,” Sugawara jokes.

“Sorry, I was just hoping to talk to Oikawa. It’s kind of urgent,” he answers.

“I know but-“

“You know what?” Iwaizumi can’t help but cut him off. He knows what?

Sugawara offers him a sincere smile. “I know that you’re not together. I mean, officially because the two of you act like you are most of the time but, yeah, Oikawa told me. And I know that something must’ve happened last night because Tooru is not his usual cheery self this morning,” he explains.

_Oh._

“Yeah, something happened which is why we need to talk. Can I come in?” Iwaizumi asks, rubbing the back of his neck, a nervous gesture Oikawa pointed out to him sometime during their years in Aoba Johsai.

“You can but he left an hour ago,” Sugawara replies.

“Did he say where he’s going?”

“He said he’s meeting Bokuto at school. They’re probably having extra practice,”

“Oh, okay. Thanks, Suga,” he says and was about to leave when Koushi speaks again.

“Iwaizumi, can I tell you something?”

“Uhm, yes?” he hesitantly answers.

Oikawa once told Iwaizumi that ‘ _Koushi is great at reading people too, Iwa-chan!’_ and he feels like Sugawara knows every secret he has right now just by the way he’s looking at him. They stare at each other for more seconds before Sugawara offers him a warm smile.

“Take the risk, please,” he said before closing the door, leaving Iwaizumi to ponder at his words.

-

He’s outside Tooru’s university for almost an hour now. He sent tons of messages to Oikawa telling him that he’s outside but he hasn’t responded. He tried calling three times too but none was answered which makes sense because if he is practicing, his phone is probably in his bag. That didn’t comfort him though. What if Oikawa is just avoiding him? Or what if he overworked himself again and his knee acted up again? He can’t afford that especially now when the season is just a month away.

“Iwaizumi-san?” someone said.

It took a few more seconds for Iwaizumi to calm his mind from thoughts of Oikawa and finally recognize the one who called him.

“Oh, it’s you Rika-kun,” he says recognizing the girl from week ago. Was it a week ago? It seems ages.

“Yes! Uhm.. Are you waiting for Oikawa-san?” she asks, fiddling with her bag. Now that Iwaizumi can look at her properly, he notices that she’s wearing a practice gear. She’s probably heading home after their Sunday training.

“Yes. Did you see him by any chance on your way out?” he asks. His voice sounds anxious but he can’t be thinking about now especially when he’s slowly losing his nerve.

“Actually, yes. I thought it was weird that there’s someone on the men’s court when Sunday has always been strictly their break so I had a look. It looked like he was practicing his serves? I tried to greet him but he’s too focused, he probably didn’t hear me,” Rika says. Iwaizumi can’t help but feel a bit of relief because Oikawa isn’t purposely ignoring him, he’s just practicing with-

“Wait, he’s practicing his serves? He’s not tossing to Bokuto?” he asks, finally identifying what was not clicking between what Sugawara said and what Rika just told him.

“No... I don’t think there’s someone with him or they would’ve been loud. Our men’s team is always too loud,” she answers.

His face must’ve showed what he’s feeling when he heard that Oikawa is alone because Rika’s eyes widened in realization. Iwaizumi doesn’t like it when his emotions show on his face, especially in front of people he barely know, but he already did a lot of things he normally wouldn’t when Oikawa is involved. This would only be the latest one on his growing list.

“Uhm.. I.. I don’t want to intrude but do you want to go inside and.. maybe talk to him instead of waiting here?” Rika asks tentatively.

Iwaizumi rubs the back of his neck before nodding.

If Oikawa lied to Sugawara about practicing with someone, he must really want to be alone to think. Iwaizumi dealt with this exact situation a lot of times in the past to recognize what's happening.

Rika leads the way. Iwaizumi knows that he can go inside anytime, Oikawa told him and he also read it on the university’s website when he was doing his research years ago. But something inside him is yelling that it’s inappropriate to just go inside when his destination would always be to the gym where the men’s volleyball team is practicing, he’s part of an opposing team afterall. Oikawa might be fine with it but his teammates would probably take it as spying or some shit and he doesn’t want to cause trouble.

The walk to the gym is surprisingly short and before he can strike a conversation with Rika, they’re already in front of the gym. Surely, he can hear the sound of a volleyball after volleyball hitting the gym’s floors and the unmistakable sound of someone jumping and landing over and over again.

“Thank you, Rika-kun,” he says turning to look at the woman beside her. He’s thankful they met a week ago. She’s kind.

“Don’t mention it! I should go. Good luck!” she says raising her hand for a wave as she begins to walk back to where they came from.

 _Good luck._ He thinks he needs a lot of luck in his side this afternoon if he wants everything to turn out the way he wants it to be. He takes a deep breath and reached for the gym’s door. _Time to take that risk, Hajime._

His friend didn’t look up when he opened the door. He didn’t even made any move to recognize that he heard someone joining him. Iwaizumi expected this. When Oikawa is focused, he will be in his own world, he would silence everything that isn’t going to be a factor in his plays or whatever scheme he has in mind. He lives inside his head, continually plotting and thinking of something to exploit or improve. And everytime he does, Iwaizumi just gets so enraptured by the look he has, the way his eyebrows would scrunch together while running a play in his head, the way his eyes glints when he does something exactly the way he imagines or the way he would bite his bottom lip when something is not right. Oikawa Tooru is beautiful but he’s dozen times more alluring when he doesn’t think anyone is watching.

Iwaizumi walks to the other side of the court and gets just in time to receive one of Oikawa’s serve. The receive is perfect, it’ll be a great set-up for the setter if this is a real game. He worked hard to improve his receives for the past years and if he can get Oikawa’s serve in just his first attempt after years, then it means he really did something.

It was more of a reflex, receiving his serve, than a way to get his attention but that did it anyway. Oikawa just stood at the other side of the court, staring. Iwaizumi suddenly feels fragile under that stare but he wills himself to hold it together. He begins walking slowly, forcing himself to keep looking at those brown eyes he could get lost to over and over again. He feels open, too open, but if there’s someone he is willing to be vulnerable to, it’s his best friend, his first love. He knows that if Oikawa chooses to tear him apart, he will let him. He will let Tooru take pieces of him because it’s been his the moment Hajime realized he’s in love with his bestfriend.

When he’s a few steps away, he stops. He needs a moment to collect his thoughts because everything seems too overwhelming and he can’t afford to say something wrong, not now. He takes another deep breath, he lost count of how many of those he had to take since he woke up.

_You can’t continue torturing yourself._

_Take the risk, please._

He took two more steps until he’s standing right in front of his friend. Iwaizumi notes that Oikawa is not backing away which is a good sign.

“Tooru,”

“Hajime,”

Iwaizumi’s breath catches in his throat and he closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again, he smiles.

“I’m sorry,” he starts again.

“No need to apologize, Iwa-chan, we were drunk. I know that sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re drunk-“

“Oika-“ he tries to interrupt him.

“so you don’t need to explain. I’m-”

“I mean it,”

_Silence._

“I mean everything I said. I.. I’m really tired. If you have been hiding something for years, if you’ve been too cautious around someone, you’d really be tired and Tooru, I have been hiding a lot from you, for the past two years,” he continues. _Now or never._

“Iwa-“

“Let me finish first, yeah?” Iwaizumi asks, surprising even himself in the softness of his voice.

Oikawa nods. Iwaizumi gives him another smile before continuing.

“I convinced myself that it’ll be better not to tell you this because I’d rather be hiding with you beside me than be honest without you. I’ve been telling myself that but the past week has been a lot to take in,” he pauses to catch his breath and thoughts.

“When you asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend, I agreed not just because I want to help you but also because I can’t bear to see you scared, I will take away your pain even if I get hurt while doing it. I agreed to hold your hands because I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. I didn’t correct people who thought we really are together,” another pause.

_Here comes nothing._

“I didn’t correct them because a huge part of me loves that idea. And I didn’t tell you anything because I convinced myself that I will lose you and that you’ll hate me,”

“I can never hate you, Hajime,” Tooru says then he realizes that he agreed to let him finish first. ”Sorry, continue please,” a small smile on his lips.

“You ruined it now,” Iwaizumi groans but he’s smiling now too. Maybe his friends were right, maybe his hopes aren’t in vain.

“What I’m trying to say is, I agreed to be your fake boyfriend partly because I want to experience what it feels like to call you mine. I.. I like you, Tooru, a lot. I do, for years now,” he says, feeling the heavy weight of his secret leave his shoulders. Maybe the pain and pining became so familiar over the years that he didn’t realize how much pressure it was to keep everything inside. It's not everything yet but he'll take this slow. He _loves_ Tooru but that would probably be too much for him now. _Someday, someday._

He waits for Tooru. He waits for his words to sink in. He waits patiently, he told himself he would. But moments passed and still nothing. Tears are threatening to fall so he breaks the eye contact because it’s beginning to be too much.

“Say something, please,” he says. He can hear and feel his heart breaking and he wants to run away again but he can’t. He needs an answer.

He felt one hand under his chin, forcing him to look at the man before him. Another hand reaches for one of Iwaizumi’s. When their eyes met again, he can’t help it anymore. Tears start to fall and he can’t stop it. _Damn it._

He closes his eyes to try and stop the tears but they won’t. They stayed like that for seconds, maybe minutes, he doesn’t know anymore, until Oikawa _finally_ says something.

“I.. I like you too, Iwa-chan,”

And just like that, Hajime’s world seems to be brighter, lighter. Tooru likes him back.

He tries to speak but the only sound he is capable right now is the sobs that accompany his tears. Tooru likes him back.

“Iwa-chan, you’re an ugly crier,” Oikawa says while wiping his cheeks. He lets go of Iwaizumi’s hand to cup his face.

More moments passed with Hajime crying while Tooru is cupping his face with both of his hands, foreheads pressed together. His warmth is enough to ground Hajime, to remind him that this is real. This isn’t just an idea where he gets what he so badly wants. This is real.

Tooru likes him.

When his tears finally stop flowing, he opens his eyes. His vision is blurry but he knows Tooru’s smiling. He can feel it. He takes Oikawa’s hands from his face and begins kissing each knuckle. He hears Oikawa’s breath catch the first time his lips touch his skin. He can’t help but smile.

When he’s done with every knuckle, he looks up to meet his friend's _(or is it boyfriend now?)_ eyes. He looks ethereal with those wide eyes and slightly parted lips. The late afternoon sun compliments his skin well. He looks like the autumn, all vibrant, warm and beautiful, Hajime’s favorite. He smells like autumn too, sweet and familiar.

His gaze lingered on Tooru’s lips, it’s probably as soft as it looks. He smiles at the thought. It’s his turn now to cup Tooru’s face. They look at each other before he lowers Tooru’s face and plants a chaste kiss on his forehead.

Tooru probably tastes like autumn too but he’ll have to wait to know. They have a lot of time together. For now, he’s at peace. He’s happy and content.

Tooru feels like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So!! Finally? (*≧ω≦*) 
> 
> I decided to make this series into eight chapters which means we only have two chapters left!! I'll try my best to wrap this mini series well.  
> Also, //spoiler?// I am so happy with chapter 395 of the manga!! It feels so good seeing him again on the pages. And IwaOi lives on (´,,•ω•,,)♡ 
> 
> As usual, kudos/comments are appreciated 🖤


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Sorry if this is a day late. With everything that has been happening all across the world these days, I hope you are safe!
> 
> I didn't like how this turned that much but hope you still enjoy!

“Iwa-chan, wait for me!” Oikawa shouts while walking in a crowded street, _in fucking Tokyo._

Sometimes, Iwaizumi wonders how the hell he developed these feelings for the idiot— his bestfriend. Maybe it was a natural progression. They’ve always been together since they met fifteen years ago. Iwaizumi was there when Oikawa started to see the beauty of the night skies, listening to him talk with so much fascination that he can’t help but be curious as well. He was there when Oikawa fell off a tree because he insisted to be closer to the vast skies, blowing at the scratches he got. He was with him when he decided that he wants to be a setter and Iwa-chan to be the one to always hit his tosses. Hajime was with him everytime he feels like he’s not good enough, holding him, trying to be strong for the both of them.

It’s the same the other way around. Oikawa was with him when he found interest in those _cute,_ liitle bugs, accompanying him to catch some then happily set them free afterwards. He was with him when he broke his nose chasing a red postman butterfly, trying his best not to laugh at his friend’s misfortune. Oikawa was with him when he decided to be a wing spiker so he can have more chances to hit his tosses. Tooru was with him everytime he felt unaccepted by everyone, telling him there’s nothing wrong with him.

Maybe falling in love with Tooru has always been his fated endgame.

He didn’t stop walking though, he’s slightly mad and honestly, Tooru should know. Does he think it was fine to flirt with everything that moves and talks? And all in front of Iwaizumi _while_ on a date he so strongly suggested because ‘ _volleyball season starts next week Iwa-chan! We need to spend as much time together as we can!_ ’. Iwaizumi huffs. He knows Oikawa has always been like that— a flirt, charming— but he can’t help but feel the unpleasant sensation creeping up on his entire being. What if Oikawa just said he likes him back because they’re bestfriends and he doesn’t want to lose the friendship he invested a lot on? What if he was just pressured so he said it back a month ago? What if he’s not enough?

He noticed that he’s just one block away from his apartment so he walks faster. No one is yelling “Iwa-chan” anymore or maybe he’s still shouting but Iwaizumi is just too far gone into his head that he can’t hear anything other than his heart beating too loud.

He reached his apartment in no time, removed his shoes and ready to flop down his sofa when a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around his torso. He tries hard not to lean in the touch, reminds himself that he’s mad. But it’s Tooru so he can’t do much.

“Iwa-chan,” he said in his whiny voice.

Iwaizumi grunts in response. He can’t trust his voice right now.

“What happened? You just walked out,” he said, putting his chin on Iwaizumi’s left shoulder.

“Nothing.”

He sighs and tries to wiggle his way out of the hug but he feels the arms around him tightened.

“Hajime, please? Are you not feeling well? Is there an emergency? Did I say something wrong?” Oikawa pushes.

“I’m tired,” he lies.

Hajime doesn’t know why he can’t tell him the truth. It’s just Tooru, _his bestfriend._ They’ve been telling each other a lot of nonsense stuff since they were kids so why can’t he tell him something as important as his own feelings? Their friends have always said Hajime is straightforward and blunt so why can’t he be honest about what’s bothering him?

He tries to turn so he can face his boyfriend but before he can, Tooru removed his arms around him.

“You’re lying to me now,” Oikawa says while glaring at him.

“Drop it, Tooru,” he says, voice strained.

“Drop it? You walked out on our date and now you won’t tell me why? How should I drop it?” Oikawa replied, voice getting louder by the end.

Something inside Iwaizumi broke. How dare Oikawa get angry at him when he was the one flirting while on their date? Why is he being yelled at when he just wants to get away from everyone so he can stop feeling so small? Why is Oikawa not aware of what he’s doing wrong?

“Don’t yell at me,” he said, trying to control his anger. Oikawa must have sensed it because his expression softened.

“Iwa-chan, just tell me what’s wrong please?” he takes both of Iwaizumi’s hands into his.

“You seriously don’t know what’s wrong?” he spats, yanking his hands back. How can someone who prides himself for being observant not be aware of his own actions?

“If I know, I wouldn’t ask,” he said.

Iwaizumi knows that he should stop, breathe and calm down. He knows he should be mature and level-headed in their relationship so he surprises even himself when he starts yelling too.

“Is this a joke to you, Tooru? Am I a joke to you?”

Oikawa looks taken aback and Iwaizumi can’t blame him. He always yells at him but they both know that those are half-hearted ones. He rarely shouts at Oikawa angrily. There were exactly just three times he did that in fifteen years.

First was in first year of middle school when Oikawa deliberately ruined his Science project— two days before its deadline— just because he won’t play volleyball with him. He didn’t play with him for a month. The second was in third year when he almost hits Kageyama. He talked sensed to him after and saw the new fire burning in his friend’s eyes. The third time was during their last year in high school when Oikawa overworked himself again, despite Iwaizumi’s constant reminder, resulting to his knee getting strained _again_. Iwaizumi realized after that he was angrier at himself for possibly not doing enough to make sure Oikawa doesn’t break again. He didn’t apologized but he bought him milk bread everyday for two weeks.

So really, Iwaizumi understood the reaction. But he can’t stop.

“You’re with me but you can’t stop flirting for a second! Do you have to charm everyone? Would it hurt you to stop it just for a moment?!” he continues.

“I.. You know how I am.. I’ve always been.. like this,” he flaps his arms in front of him as if trying to make Iwaizumi see _this_.

“I know! And that makes this harder! I know you, I know you don’t mean those but,” _I’m still jealous._

Oikawa waits for him to finish his sentence but he can’t continue. Tears are threatening to escape his eyes and he’s mad. He’s mad at Oikawa for not knowing what _might_ be wrong. He’s mad at himself for trying to lie to Tooru. He’s mad at himself for yelling and being _this_ emotional. But most of all, for being irrational, jealous and insecure.

He can’t remember himself feeling _this_ insecure. He’s usually confident or just doesn’t care about what other people think. But this is not other people, this is Oikawa. The same person he has been in love with for two years, the one who told him he likes him back a month ago. It’s irrational, he knows, but really, what if Oikawa doesn’t like him enough? Afterall, he’s not as pretty as him. He’s not expressive. He’s.. just Iwaizumi.

“I’m sorry,” Oikawa breaks the silence but Iwaizumi still can’t talk.

“Hey, look at me please,” he continues trying to make the other look at him by placing a hand in one of his cheeks. He gives him a small smile.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how you must be feeling. You know I don’t mean anything I said to that guy, right?” he asks, looking straight at Hajime’s eyes as if looking for an answer from them.

He nods.

“As well as to everyone else. I’ll try to think more before I speak,” Oikawa says letting go of Iwaizumi’s cheek so he can hold both of his hands again. This time, Iwaizumi lets him.

“I.. don’t want you to change. Don’t do that for me,” Iwaizumi says.

“But I want to,”

“Don’t. If you start thinking, you’ll hurt your head,” Iwaizumi says lightly.

“That’s unoriginal, Iwa-chan. That was my line,” Oikawa replies with a smile in his voice.

They stayed like that for a few more moments, just staring at each other.

“I’m sorry too.. for suddenly leaving without saying anything. And for yelling,” he says turning serious again.

“You better be! I was really looking forward for today. You know we’ll be busy once the season starts,” Oikawa whines. Iwaizumi can’t help but smile and flicks his forehead.

“You should be nicer to me! I’m your boyfriend now, you know!” he says, turning away with a pout.

“You’re still Shittykawa,”

“Iwa-chan!”

“My Shittykawa,”

The blush that crept up on Oikawa’s face makes Iwaizumi smile. His insecurities and doubts get push back at the back of his mind.

They should be fine. They’ll work through it.

-

They spent the whole day curled up in Iwaizumi’s sofa, watching a documentary series Oikawa found earlier that week. At least, that was what they talked to do until Oikawa started getting restless so he turns his attention to him, kissing whatever he can. His jaw, his cheeks, his hands, his forehead. Leave it to Oikawa to distract Iwaizumi even when he was genuinely enjoying the documentary.

Oikawa shifts so he is sitting in Iwaizumi’s lap. They’ve been dating for a month now but physical intimacy is something he’s still trying to get used to. And Tooru is a lot intimate. He knows his way with words and he’s good at expressing himself through actions too. He’s everything Hajime isn’t. He’s perfect.

They kissed until that thought crosses Iwaizumi’s mind and he froze. Oikawa noticed it.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, when he breaks the kiss but still cupping Iwaizumi’s face.

“Nothing,”

“Hajime,”

He sighs. He should know better than lie to Tooru. He takes the hands cupping his face and kisses its palms.

“You’re perfect,” he says.

“I know,” comes the expected response. Iwaizumi snorts but Oikawa just looked at him, still waiting for his answer.

“It’s just.. you’re perfect. And I’m..” _not. I’m just me._

“Perfect too,” Oikawa says firmly, taking Iwaizumi’s hands and kissing his palms this time.

“Don’t give me that look. You’re overthinking,” Tooru leans in to kiss the creases in his forehead.

“I like you. I think you’re good enough. Hell, more than enough, even if you don’t think so. I’m sorry for making you feel otherwise,” he says sincerely. He didn’t say what’s bothering him but Tooru figured it out anyway. It has always been like that but it’s still unnerving. He frowns when the last sentence sinks in.

“Hey, it’s not your fault, okay? I just, need to work this out. I loved you secretly for two years. I think I just need to get used to this.. to us. Give me time?” he says patiently.

He waits for the other’s answer but he’s just staring at him, perfectly still. The hand that was running circles in his arm stopped moving too.

“What?” he asks.

“You.. what did you just said?” Oikawa answers, his voice lower.

“Give me time?” he answers tentatively.

“No, before that. You.. you said you.. love me?”

_Oh shit._

Neither of them talked for awhile. Oikawa most likely still in shock in hearing the confession and Iwaizumi having a hard time believing that he just said something like that after _just_ a month of getting the courage to ask the other out. He told himself he’ll take this slow. He internally curses himself before finding his voice again.

“Yes. Sorry, I lied to you about it, I thought it would be too much. But now I just said that just a month after having-“ he starts blabbering until a finger was pressed in his lips.

“Calm down,” Oikawa whispers, putting his forehead against Iwaizumi’s.

“That’s rich coming from someone who was frozen just moments ago,” Hajime closes his eyes.

“I love you. But don’t feel pressured into saying it back, okay? I can wait,” he says after a while.

He felt Oikawa nod. He let out a breath he was holding.

They stayed like that for a while. Iwaizumi is reminded of that time in the gym one month ago. They were in a somewhat similar position, foreheads pressed together after Oikawa said he likes him back. He remembers wondering if Tooru tastes like Autumn then.

He opens his eyes and saw the prettiest chocolate browns staring right back at him that he can’t help but smile. He closes the small distance between them and Tooru responds immediately, kissing him back like he can’t get enough. Hajime laughs after a while causing the other to break the kiss.

“What now?” he asks, pout in place.

“You taste like Autumn,” he answers which was met with a confused look.

“My favourite,” he simply says, leaning again to resume the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter will be posted once finished.
> 
> Also, I am thinking of posting a bonus story (just a one shot) where everything is told in Oikawa's side. Just to give you a glimpse of how it ws for him? This is a very Iwaizumi centric one but I am not sure yet so it'll be appreciated if you let me know what you think!!
> 
> As usual, kudos/comments are welcome. (*°▽°*)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> First of all, I am sorry for the super delay in posting this last chapter. Real life got quite challenging the past few weeks then I had some trouble making up my mind for this final chapter. Second, this chapter is longer than the usual since I decided to put everything in my mind here. I can't choose what to cut so hell with it, I put everything lol
> 
> Lastly, I hope you enjoy it.

Telling their parents is hard, especially Iwaizumi’s. It didn’t help that he hasn’t properly come out to them yet. So yeah, they’re two weeks away from their winter break and Iwaizumi is all nerves trying to get his mind right. He wants their parents in the loop and he knows Oikawa wants that too. He knows Oikawa has been holding back in displaying him as more than a best friend in his social media, during phone calls and that’s saying a lot because Oikawa likes to let people know if something special or big is going on. The nearest thing he’d done to hinting their current relationship was the “Mine” one he posted when they were both drunk and Iwaizumi doubts their parents actually saw that. Oikawa has his parents blocked from viewing some of his stories because.. _reasons_. And Iwaizumi appreciates it a lot

“Iwa-chan, what do you think about celebrating your win?” Oikawa says as a way of greeting, effectively cutting Iwaizumi’s train of thoughts.

“Hmm?” he answers, trying to catch up with the question.

Oikawa walks over to him when he successfully changed his shoes for a pair of alien slippers that Iwaizumi keeps since they moved to Tokyo. He flops down beside Iwaizumi and the latter automatically wraps his arms around his boyfriend.

_Boyfriend._

It’s more than two months and part of him still can’t believe that they are.. together.

Oikawa instantly melts in the hug. It was a few seconds later, or minutes, Iwaizumi really doesn’t know, when he looks up and breaks the comfortable silence.

“So, what do you think?” he asks. Iwaizumi raises his eyebrow, confused. He realizes that he hasn’t caught up with the question the other asked earlier.

“You weren’t listening. What were you thinking?” Oikawa says, burying his face in Iwaizumi’s neck.

“Winter break,” he answers simply. He knows Oikawa understands the underlying implications of that.

“Hmm.. you weren’t overthinking, were you?”

“Rich, coming from you,” Iwaizumi says which earns him a half-hearted slap on his shoulders.

Oikawa then releases himself from the embrace and fixed his position so he is now sitting cross-legged in the sofa while facing Iwaizumi. He takes both of his hands and rubs circles on his knuckles.

“We don’t have to tell them if you’re not yet ready,” he says, looking directly at Iwaizumi’s eyes. _He really is beautiful_ , his mind just supplies.

He smiles. “But I want to.”

“I know. Me too. But there’s no rush, we have all the time. You don’t need to force it,” Oikawa explains.

Iwaizumi smiles. Despite his whiny nature, Oikawa is serious and very reliable when it matters. Iwaizumi never runs out of reasons to fall harder and deeper each passing day.

“I know,” he says taking Oikawa’s hands to his lips to kiss them. “Now, how do you propose to celebrate my win over you?” Iwaizumi continues while smirking, effectively dropping the subject.

Iwaizumi’s volleyball team won against Oikawa’s when they faced each other during the eliminations just three days ago. It was a very close match. Iwaizumi got to play two sets and he can proudly say that he did well, scored a decent number, much to Oikawa’s irritation ( _delight_ ). Everyone expected the other team to win but Iwaizumi’s team was perfectly ready to face one of the powerhouse schools, their solid receives and blocking paid off. If he’s being honest, knowing how Oikawa plays also helped. He had his entire childhood until high school to practice receiving Oikawa’s serves, he had been polishing his receives for that exact reason. They lost yesterday though and failed to advance to the finals.

Not that Oikawa hasn’t improved. In fact, he became more powerful and scary from what Iwaizumi remembers. But his team was the better group that day and he would not miss any chance to rub it on Oikawa’s face, which he is about to do now.

”Just so you wait, we’ll definitely win next year,” Oikawa says while rolling his eyes.

“Sure but I am leading now,” he answers.

“Never mind, we won’t celebrate,” Tooru says looking away but not before Hajime saw a pout.

Iwaizumi chuckles. Oikawa whipped his head so fast that Iwaizumi momentarily worried that he’ll injure his neck.

“What?” Iwaizumi asks.

“You giggled?”

“Yes?”

“Aw, my Iwa-chan can be so cute sometimes,” Oikawa cooed.

Iwaizumi throws a pillow to his face.

-

Iwaizumi thought he is ready for this. He convinced himself that he is. He told Oikawa he is fine over and over again.

But now, he realized he isn’t.

He’s too nervous, he can’t sit still during the entire train ride. He kept fidgeting, Oikawa needed to hold his hands so he would stop crinkling his shirt, Oikawa’s jacket and everything he can grab. Tooru tried his best to keep him distracted for the first hour with little success. He kept thinking that it is a bad idea. What if his parents don’t accept... this? Him? Him and Tooru?

He feels tired, his mind is working fast as if it is on a race with the train they are riding. His thoughts are running wild, each scenario he conjures ends badly. He knows he’s being too pessimistic about this, his parents love him, they were nothing but supportive to him. But he’s scared, scared enough to see how reason.

Just as his mind is about to start with another scenario, he felt a sudden weight on his shoulder. He turns slowly knowing it’s Tooru’s head. He fell asleep. Hajime shifts, careful not to disturb the other until he is comfortable enough with the added weight. He leans in to leave a chaste kiss on top of Tooru’s head. He can’t back out now, not when it’s so important to Tooru as well, not when he has him by side, not when he can have the chance to be happier than he is now.

His tired mind finally catches up with his body. He slowly drowses off, head on top of Tooru.

Just before he fully succumbs to sleepiness, he thinks, Tooru is worth every risk.

-

The sudden movement around them wakes him up. He takes a moment to remember where they are and when he’s sure he is awake enough, he nudges Tooru using his shoulder. The other shifts, mumbling something too low for Iwaizumi to catch.

“Hey, we’re here,” Iwaizumi says.

“Already?” Oikawa answers, not moving from his shoulders.

“Yep. Come on,” he replies making small movements so Oikawa would finally remove his head on his shoulders.

“Iwa-chan, I’m still sleepy, can you talk to the driver or whoever if we can stay longer?” he says.

“Silly. Get up now, you can sleep more once you’re home,” Iwaizumi reasons.

“It’s comfortable here. You’re comfy,” if Oikawa Tooru is anything, it’s stubborn.

“You’ll sleep better at home,” Iwaizumi patiently says.

“You’re my home,” Oikawa replies smoothly.

Hajime feels his face go red, if that is even possible.

“Sh.. shut up, dumbass,” he says, stuttering.

How does Tooru always do it? He says something so cheesy out of nowhere and says it as if it’s very easy. Iwaizumi cringe at his thoughts most of the time so he ends up not voicing them or just saying half-hearted insults. So really, how?

Oikawa chuckles, fully aware of what he’s done now. Iwaizumi shoves his face from his shoulder as he stands up and makes his way out of the train. He knows Oikawa is trailing behind him because he can hear a very whiny voice complaining about a rude and brute boyfriend.

-

By the time they arrived at the Oikawa residence, everyone is already there, Tooru’s parents, older sister, brother-in-law, nephew, Hajime’s parents and younger sister. They did this last year too, a welcome home dinner of some sort. Tooru’s mom insisted on it when he told her they will be going home for the winter break in their first year away from home. When they called them a week ago, it was already an unspoken appointment.

The moment they closed the door, Hajime’s sister jumped from the chair and ran towards him while screaming “Haji onii-chan!!” He picks her up and starts swinging her around, their laughs mingling. If there’s one thing he misses most at home, it’s his sister. He misses their evening time together when she’s either trying to get Hajime to teach her something or just bothering him while doing homework so they can play.

When he stops swinging her, his eyes spots Tooru looking at them with pure admiration in his eyes. He wants to melt right there but he can’t. Not now. They still need to talk to their parents so he coughs, trying to stir Tooru’s attention away from him and also to remind himself that there are people around.

“Tooru onii-chan, miss you too,” Ichika says, turning in Hajime’s hold so she’s now facing Tooru.

“Aw Ichika, onii-chan missed you too,” Tooru says as he extends his arms so Ichika can go to him.

Ichika gladly moved to Tooru. Not a second later, there’s something tugging at Hajime’s shirt and he looked down to see Takeru.

“Welcome home,” he says rather shyly but Iwaizumi knows he meant it.

“Thank you, Takeru-kun,” he replies smiling before ruffling Takerus’s hair.

His gaze goes back to Tooru and he’s smiling. He can’t help but smile back.

Someone made a small coughing voice then followed by a “Hello, we’re also here.”

Hajime tears his gaze away from Tooru to see his sister grinning at them like she knows something they don’t. Hajime’s words get stuck in his throat.

“Onee-chan, you’re hard to miss,” Tooru covers, probably sensing Hajime’s panic.

“Oh I try,” she answers while wiggling her eyebrows.

Hajime internally curses.

_She knows._

-

Dinner was surprisingly normal. At least, as normal as it is when both families are together.

Hajime has to constantly remind himself not reach for Tooru’s hands under the table. It suddenly feels weird not touching each other when they’re _this_ close after two months of doing the opposite. He knows Tooru’s having a hard time too, he can see him clenching his hand hard, he imagines his nails leaving marks on his palms, and he takes comfort in knowing that they’re in the same page.

After dessert, the Iwaizumis start to say their goodbyes. Tooru and Hajime exchanged knowing glances. Hajime tries to say _I’ll tell them later, will text you after._ By the look Tooru is giving him, it seems to say _I’ll wait._

Hajime shakes his head as they head to the door, Ichika in his arms. Did he really just have a conversation with Tooru without saying anything? Tooru never fails to amaze him. Their relationship never fails to surprise him.

And it gives him more courage to talk to his parents, to come out. They love him, they’ll be understanding and accepting. They always say that Tooru is like their son so Hajime being with him kind of makes it real, right..?

They take their walk to their house silently. Hajime feels the pressure around him but before he succumbs to the pressure, _again_ , they already reached their house. The moment he closed the door, his mom spoke.

“Dear, bring Ichika to her room, will you? Then go back here,” she says, voice sweet but Hajime knows enough to sense that she means business.

He gulps.

_Fuck._

-

Minutes later, he’s back downstairs. His parents seated in the couch in their living room. He takes a deep breath before making his presence known. _Okay.._

“Mom, Dad,” he says as a way of greeting, surprised to hear that his voice is steady despite the panic he’s feeling inside.

“My dear, you’ve grown,” his mom says as she stands to cup her son’s cheeks.

Hajime closes his eyes and smiles.

“Mom, we both know I stopped growing in high school,” he replies.

“Oh I know that, silly. I mean, you seem.. more mature now, not my boy anymore,” she replies while beckoning him to sit on the couch adjacent to where she was sitting moments ago.

“I’m always your boy mom,” he says feeling suddenly embarrassed by the topic of their conversation.

“But someday you’ll be someone else’s man,” she says as she goes back to her spot just earlier.

Hajime stiffens for a moment. Do they know?

“Don’t pressure him like that,” his father suddenly says.

“No, no, nothing like that, dear. Just saying.. you know you can tell us anything, right?” his mom says softly.

Hajime nods. Now or never, right?

“Uhm, actually.. I have something to tell you,” he says almost too quietly but he knows they can hear him clearly.

The silence encourages him.

“So uh, it’s about me,” _obviously._

“Uh, you see.. I’m,” he starts suddenly not finding the words he wants to say.

His mom reaches for his hands and it’s just then that he realized that it’s shaking.

_Damn it. Why is this so hard?_

“Son, whatever it is, you don’t need to force yourself if you’re not ready,” his father adds.

He shakes his head. They’re so supportive and he’s so loved, he repeats in his head. He takes a deep breath.

“Me and Tooru, uh, we’re together,” he says in one breath.

He was met with silence.

“Like, together _together,”_ he tries again.

His mom is the first one to recover from the initial shock and she gives him a soft smile.

“Oh god, I’m so happy for you, Hajime,” she says as she moves to hug her son.

His father moves and pats his back.

“Wait, that’s it?” he says dumbfounded. He expected questions, and a bit of scolding.

“Why? Do you expect us to be angry or disown you for being gay?” his mom says.

“Er, no. Actually mom, that’s another thing,” he says.

His parents look at each other as if having their own conversation just by their eyes. Is that a thing between couples? They look back at him and this time, it’s his father who speaks first.

“You didn’t dropped out of your course, have you?" he asks, followed by a very awkward silence.

“What? Where did that came from? Wh-“ he says, trying to keep his voice down as to not wake Ichika up.

His mother laughs, followed by his father.

“Oh thank heavens,” his mom managed to say in between her laughs.

“The way you were looking earlier, we thought something happened and it was the only thing we can think of,” his father supplies.

“What?” he says again because nothing makes sense.

“You were looking really tense since you’ve arrived, and you didn’t hear us calling you the entire walk home so we just assumed..” his mom explains.

“That’s.. god, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was that bad at hiding my nervousness. I was just afraid to tell you,”

“I’m sorry if you felt that way. We would never be angry at you for liking guys. You’re gay, so what about it? You’re still our boy,” his mom says.

“Actually mom, dad, I’m bi,” he replies.

He receives confused stares as he lets out a relieved sigh.

They spent the rest of the night talking. Hajime explaining a lot of things and he’s more than happy to see that they are willing to listen and learn. He mentally scolds himself for thinking otherwise. The talk inevitably veers to Tooru and after a lot of blushing and teasing, his parents finally said their good nights.

He calls Tooru after and cried.

He’s so happy.

-

The rest of the vacation went by in a blur. Hajime is slightly taken aback with how little change happened since he came out to his parents and telling the Oikawas the day after it. The only significant change is now, his feelings are not something that stays in the dark, growing unbidden each time he sees Tooru. Now, he can touch Tooru without feeling guilty that he’s doing something he shouldn’t. Now, he‘s free to look at Tooru as if there’s a whole galaxy in his eyes, waiting to be seen and explored, unlike the stolen glances he used to do years—even months, ago. The only significant change is that now, he is allowed to do these things without fear of losing the most important bond he created for himself. He feels like a missing piece of himself finally fitted in.

There’s the teasing also, especially from Tooru’s sister. As someone who saw them growing up together, she claims she isn’t surprised with their recent progress. No, it’s new but it’s not out of ordinary.

By the end of their break, Hajime concludes that he’s one of the luckiest person in Japan, maybe the world. He has very supportive parents, people who listen and cares deeply for him. He has a younger sister that’s easily the most adorable human being in his life. He has the Oikawas who never wavered in their support for him, as if he’s really one of them. And Tooru. Tooru who understands him as much as he understands himself, who has seen the ugliest part of him but stayed. Tooru who is the most genuine in front of him, trusting him a lot to let go of the facade he carefully built over the years.

He smiles, letting sleepiness take over him. Tomorrow, they’ll be back in Tokyo. And for the first time after a long while, he is more excited than afraid of what the future brings.

-

They decided to go back to Tokyo two days prior to the re-starting of the classes just to have more time to be by themselves.

A loud “IWA-CHAN! IWA-CHAN! IWA-CHAN!!!!!!” followed by his door closing woke Iwaizumi from his afternoon nap.

“Shittykawa, I’m right here, stop shouting.”

“But Iwa-chan!! Look!” Oikawa says as he thrusts a paper in front of Iwaizumi’s face.

Considering the distance between the paper and Iwaizumi’s face, there is no way he would be able to make out a word from the paper, let alone a whole paragraph. The fact that he just woke up from his nap a minute ago doesn’t help either so he grabbed the paper to properly look at it. He reads it carefully.

“Tooru...” Iwaizumi begins as he stares back up to his boyfriend. There are tears threatening to spill from his eyes so he stands up to hug him.

“I’m so, so proud of you,” he says as he runs his hands in Oikawa’s back. He feels the tears finally spilling and landing to create a wet area in his shoulders.

“Hey, don’t cry,” he says softly, chest light despite the extreme fondness and pride he’s feeling right now.

“I know, I just can’t.. I can’t stop it? I don’t know Iwa-chan, this feels like a dream. Wait, is this a dream? But this seems too vivid, and-“

Iwaizumi flicks his forehead then, half to stop the train of words and half to make a point.

“Ow. That hurts,” Oikawa says.

“It’s supposed to be. This is real, Tooru. This,” he says, waving the paper between them, “is very much real.”

Oikawa nods like a child who was just offered an answer to a very simple question that they find complicated in some way.

“So I really got an invitation to practice with the national team,” he says slowly, like he is afraid the words would sound wrong if he says it in his normal pace.

Hajime nods then smiles after seeing Tooru’s entire face lights up with his confirmation as if it isn’t something real until Hajime says so.

“Hajime!” was all he hears before he falls back in the couch with an added weight on top of him. He didn’t have time to process what just happened when he suddenly feels kisses being littered in his face.

He giggles, feeling the happiness of his boyfriend radiate to him, making him as gaudy. They stayed like that for a few more moments, Tooru littering kisses to whatever skin he can reach with Hajime holding him by his waist as if to reassure him that this is all real.

Tooru pressed his forehead against Hajime, trying to catch his breath. As the light in his living room casts light shadows of his partner’s eyelashes, Hajime realizes then that they are long and can almost touch his cheekbones, which are currently sporting a light blush. His lips curves upward with how happy he is knowing that he can make Tooru blush. Then Tooru says something. It was too quiet, almost impossible to catch but Hajime’s attention has been on him the entire time, making it hard to miss.

“What?” he says, trying to calm his heart that he’s sure is beating faster than it did in the past. His voice low and careful— radiating an unspoken fear of ruining the stillness around them and the fear of not hearing it right the first time.

Tooru takes a deep breath, removes his forehead from where it is pressed against Hajime’s so he can properly look at him. He reaches for one of Iwaizumi’s hands in his waist to place in his chest, just over where the heart should be. He smiles, slow and genuine, then exhales.

“I love you,” he repeats.

Hajime wants to say it back, would _love_ to say it back but he’s overwhelmed with emotions. It’s the first time Tooru said it and if moments can be bottled, he’d choose this one. Tooru loves him. Tooru says he does. But he can’t do that so he settles to savoring the moment. He closes his eyes, trying to make a permanent memory of this exact moment in his mind. The way Tooru ‘s lips stayed slightly parted as he said the words, the open look in his eyes that makes the confession more real and honest, and the grip in his hands that tightened a bit as if to let him know as well that yes, this is very much real.

It was quiet the entire time he has his eyes closed. The only sounds are their breathing and the peacefulness of the apartment. Hajime wished he can re-live this moment again and again.

“Tooru..” he says after a moment, opening his eyes which was met by Tooru’s.

“Hmm,” he replies as he brings Hajime’s hands to his lips to press a single kiss. They’ve kiss a lot of times but it will never not make Hajime’s heart swell with love and adoration for the other.

“I love you too,” he says smiling as Tooru leans in to press their mouths together.

Tooru is right, their home is right with each other.

He can’t believe he used to think that this love he has for Tooru was toxic. It’s as natural as existing and as innate as breathing. It has been a part of him the moment he offered a kid who was too clean to be in a playground to play with him. It was a seed that has been slowly growing inside of him, just waiting for the light to fully blossom.

All of his love is not toxic. If anything, it is the safest thing in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I take my bow (≧▽≦)/
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has bookmarked/subscribed, left kudos, comments and read this story! This was my first work in the fandom and it was a great experience.
> 
> Again, thank you for all your support! Kudos/comments are forever appreciated.
> 
> I hope you have a good day. 🖤


End file.
